In a Fog
by MsDiana
Summary: Penelope's thought process about Luke's date. Fair warning it's completely unlike my other stories. Goes from 1st date through that week until his 2nd date. It's not POV, but it is her experiencing what is going on. It's emotional and sort of sad, I think. Update: This now includes Luke's POV. Update: Includes them sorting out their feelings with words and physicals acts.
1. In a Fog

I don't know if I'll add another part, this was unplanned and I have to think it through. This piece is more raw than my other FF stories. It's a little broken up structure-wise in order to mimic emotions. Thanks for reading.

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Penelope wasn't sure if they knew why she'd been a little off. She wasn't great at lying, she wasn't great at hiding her emotions. So she hoped that everyone would chalk it up to a bad day. Everyone had those. Didn't they? Off days, when you just feel crappy. Maybe because of cramps, maybe it was bad take out, maybe because your friend's had lives and you didn't. But she held her head high as she walked into the bullpen with files in one hand, a cup of tea in the other, and announces that there is a case.

As they all gather, Luke moves her chair so that she can easily set her things on the table as she introduced the case.

She's a little less sassy but not completely sass-less. She wasn't good at hiding. Nope. She never had been, but she was good at making sure not to be embarrassed about having a crush. If she really liked someone, she held back, but it was so rare she actually liked anyone. Kevin and Sam weren't the spark and sparkle, they were sensible dating options. She had things in common with each of them. The time they spent together eventually turned into some type of love or deeper emotion but it was never earth-shattering or all-consuming. Other guys, she'd liked here and there, the crush came and went, maybe because they came and went.

A man named Brian in her support group who'd lost his brother was one of them. He was so kind and open, mostly because that's what the group existed for, but he was also very attractive. She wouldn't cross the boundary of, volunteer dates grieving loved one, but she fantasized about the hot man a few times. It was fleeting, as was the crush on the hot barista years ago, or even the agent down in counter terrorism. Fun to think about but all fleeting fantasies of beautiful boys that would never really matter. Maybe some people had felt the same about her over the years, it was only natural. She assumed that she'd been the object of someone's desire, that was never acted upon, as were the majority of attractions. But this time, this time, the crush came and it was forceful. When they'd called the fugitive task force and they sent that damn Agent Alvez down, she was physically winded just from looking at him.

He'd worked with them most of that summer, she always kept it curt and professional, knowing that learning too much about him would burst the bubble of the fantasy she had put him in. And when summer was over he was supposed to be gone, a nice memory to have, another unrequited crush that never mattered. She lied to herself about it being that simple but then the unthinkable happened, one day as she was leaving, he found her at the elevator and told her she'd have to learn to be nice to him. She was floored. It'd been a few months already, what power in the universe was trying to mess with her so much, that instead of her counting down the days until he was gone, she had to count how many days she'd been infatuated. It was going to make her slowly lose her mind.

Yup, she knew then, she was in trouble and she tried her damndest to keep him at bay. But, assuming he wasn't going anywhere, that couldn't last forever. More than that she had to get to know him as a person. He wasn't a consultant anymore, he wasn't an extra set of hands, he was in the family and she couldn't stop it when her crush crossed the line into something more.

He was now, Luke, a man who was evolved, he talked to Spencer about mental health as well as his partner Phil. He was the one who might tread the line of legal and illegal just to keep Spence safe or get info they needed, but his intentions were good. His borderline bad boy decisions secretly made her like him more.

She heard through the grapevine that he essentially let Scratch fall to his own death. She didn't want to admit how relieved she was at someone else's death, but she had been. She was internally grateful that he'd let Scratch die and didn't risk his own life to save a man that didn't deserve a whole hell of a lot of kindness. No, he didn't so easily fall into the cliched hero complex her beloved Morgan had. She loved her best friend with her whole being, but sometimes she just didn't _get_ him. Derek had actually done that exact thing, an unsub was hanging from a rooftop and Derek hopped roofs just to help him. She remembered being livid when she heard the story. Her Derek was just too good for this world sometimes, but an absolute idiot sometimes too. That's the place where they always disagreed, when they just didn't see the other's point. That's also why she could safely admire his beauty, and loudly exclaim her love for him, because it was only ever a friendship. A deep down, soul-changing friendship but alas, still platonic. There was nothing to hide, nothing to read into. Easy.

Here she was a couple years after meeting the beautiful Agent Alvez, that she let herself crush on, with the knowledge he'd be gone and take any temporary infatuation with him. And there she was, wondering what the hell to do with this shit now. What could she possibly do? They were too far gone for crushes and too far behind for flat out honesty about feelings. The few times they'd hung out outside of work without anyone else, were always purposeful and casual. She tried her damndest not to fantasize about it meaning more. She tried to calm her mind when it wanted to race away with the logic that he didn't _have_ to ask _her_. He didn't have to see her. But then again, he didn't need to play darts with JJ or bring Emily dinner or buy Tara a drink when she was down. Nope. He was just a good guy and she wasn't special to him.

She repeated this to herself countless times. Every time she let her mind wander to what it would be like if he said to hell with the rules, I like you. What it would be like if they dated, what it would be like if he tripped because he was head over heels. And what it would be like when the team found out and would regard them with elation and happiness. But every time her mind went there, she'd try to calm it and tell herself this wasn't going to happen and it was unhealthy to live in a fantasy. A fantasy that seemed further away, the longer none of it came true.

She wasn't sure why he looked at her like he did or why he comforted her when he did. She wasn't sure why he laughed at her like he did. Nope. She wasn't sure, but she was sure that it hadn't been enough, because otherwise he wouldn't just be in her mind, he'd be in her bed. He was never going to be hers, so why did he give her those eyes? Why bother? Did he give everyone those eyes? She never thought so. But now she questioned the whole thing. All of it.

She'd let herself believe for a moment that he might be interested but that it was too complicated so neither of them had acted on it. But sometimes when his eyes lingered a little too long on her or he teased her a little too much, she was sure it was just a matter of timing. Because, no, this wasn't a crush for her, this was something soul-consuming and she hated that she let herself get here. Where was her self-discipline? His hand had never wove in between hers, they had never kissed, they'd never let their flirting escalate to an intimate level where it couldn't be misinterpreted or chalked up to light-hearted banter. Nope. So why was she so irrevocably changed by something that hadn't even happened? Did she make it all up? Was it really only in her head? No, because at the very least it was also in her heart. But apparently his heart had not thought the same thing. Apparently he'd not been waiting around like a nun for two years just living in his fantasy, like she had. Nope. He hadn't been doing that at all. And if he had, well apparently he got over it, something she wasn't sure she could ever do.

She could tell he was worried about something. He seemed nervous at work and just not himself. She saw him searching different restaurants, not trendy new places to get dinner, but date restaurants. He'd shut the window on his screen as soon as she saw it, obviously, she momentarily hoped it was for her but she knew better. And it was confirmed when she heard him talking to Matt. Nope. She didn't want her tea anymore. She darted away from the corner she was about to turn, where the small counter, that housed the coffee they all existed on, was also keeping her hot water. She zoomed away quickly, right back to her office and she hid. A slight moisture came to her eyes but she wiped it away quickly because she couldn't be that utterly ridiculous. She wasn't weak like that, to run and cry over something she never had. Nope. She wasn't. She was, however, super nosy and she found out where his reservation was for the evening and she hoped like hell she could come up with a good enough excuse to be there.

She thought about calling a hot male friend and having him take her to dinner there. Luke wouldn't have to know he was a long-term friend from her theater group. He wouldn't have to know that the man would be on loan from his own husband for the night if she did show up with him. But she wasn't sure if that made her crazy. She wasn't sure it wasn't entirely better to avoid any of it. If she didn't see it, it couldn't make her sad. And maybe he'd never say anything about the girl again, maybe it would be a first date failure. But it was Phil, his best friend, that set him up. He knew Luke well, and she guessed this date wouldn't fizzle so quickly if the woman was best friend preapproved. Nope. It probably wouldn't.

Phil had been nice to her but he didn't even ask who she was. She at least thought when Luke introduced her as Penelope he'd ask why she was there. But instead, he assumed she was from work and he kindly thanked her for helping Luke even when she probably wanted her time off from such a hectic job. Nope. So Phil must've known what she didn't, that she wasn't even in the running. He looked straight through her. It wasn't even a thought. Until now, she'd really liked Phil but not so much anymore. She depressingly thought that it wouldn't matter anymore, you don't have to celebrate truly liking your boyfriend's friends, because he's not your damn boyfriend.

Nope. So instead she steeled her resolve and tried to calm her racing thoughts. Leaving work and going home like an average day, as if she wasn't questioning her sanity. She tried to distract herself with anything, anything at all. Whatever would make her not think about the one thing that would affect the trajectory of the life she'd so intricately planned in her head. She didn't realize how crazy she was until just then, until she recognized how much of this reality was not real at all.

What had she done to herself? She wasn't going to hide and cry, at least not right now. Maybe if she truly mourned this loss, she would. Right now? Nope. She was going to act like herself as much as she could. Go into denial, it wasn't going to happen. It wasn't happening.

Then she got the call, the case was urgent and she needed to gather the team. She was secretly happy that she didn't have to scheme to break up the date. She couldn't do that anyway, she didn't want to feel even nuttier than she already was. She didn't want to feel manipulative. What good would that do? He'd just be annoyed with her, not with whatever nameless woman he was supposed to meet. At least this was legitimate. She called him first, hoping he'd make it to the BAU before the others so she could at least have a private smile. That wasn't manipulating, that was just taking the breaks where you get them. Maybe he'd be relieved, if the date was going bad then she'd be his savior or the case would.

So when he didn't answer, in fact when his phone went straight to voicemail, she got immediately concerned. Maybe the lady was insane and chucked his phone in the river. Probably not, Phil knew her. So instead of the loving warm phone calls she usually tried to make individually, she sent out a group text telling them to confirm receiving it. A few texts were coming through as she set out to ping his phone. She already knew the restaurant, but she didn't want to think about her momentary lapse in judgment earlier that day, and for all she knew, he didn't go. But then the confirmation came through, he was still there. She almost called the restaurant to have the waiter give him the message but she stilled her fingers over the call button, she could justify going there, she had to get him. He was the one who didn't answer his phone and it was in the same direction, for the most part, so she could chalk it up to his own stupid actions.

That's what she told herself the whole way there in the back of the cab, avoiding any logic her brain wanted to throw at her. Avoiding the thoughts about what she might find. A happy, smiling, Newbie, a romantic kiss, an intimate hand hold. God, she didn't want to think about it. Knowing it, hurt already, seeing it might actually kill her. She arrived and cheerily made her way in, determined to not let her bad luck make her unkind and rude to others. She smiled at the host as she walked in and explained the situation.

When she saw him she plastered on the face she thought made sense, curiosity. He wouldn't question Penelope and her ever curious mind. She could see the woman was probably attractive, the dim lighting made it hard to fully tell, but she needed Agent Alvez. So here she was, scarring her own heart. If she knew what this woman looked like, she would obsess and analyze it and let it wound her heart because _she_ was real now. No one could deny it. Putting on her resolved face as Luke saw her and made his way over. His questions about her abilities were downright rude. Of course she can find him. She can find anything, she expected to say they had a case and for Luke to say, _okay we'll head out_. She expected him to be polite and say goodbye. But she didn't expect to see that he was disappointed to be leaving.

And that's the only way she could describe what seemed to float across his face. As he absently said something about meeting the woman, she knew he would expect her to be her normal, inquisitive, friendly self. Because if it was any other team member in this predicament, isn't that what she would've done? So she did. And she rambled and she got a better look at the woman who seemed pretty enough, and was at least capable of nodding. There was a brief moment of satisfaction on her face when she was the one leaving with Luke. A moment that said, he left with me, not you. A moment that made her feel like she'd won. But this wasn't a game, and if it was, she certainly didn't know the rules.

She pretended momentarily that it was them leaving the restaurant after a date. She smiled at a few strangers who were waiting to be seated. As they walked out, she let the flicker of hope land on someone else, maybe if she put it out in the world it would stay alive and have a real chance to happen. At least for a brief moment in time a few people that happened to be in the same moment as her, believed that she was walking next to her date, boyfriend, maybe even husband, after a romantic dinner.

But the fantasy fell when they got in his car and as he drove he asked her what she thought. Nope. She wasn't on a date with him. She wasn't really taking him away. He didn't leave that woman at the table because he'd chosen to, he left because of circumstance. So Penelope did what she always did in these situations, she told the truth. The woman seemed to be pretty enough and sounded like a decent catch, especially if Phil thought so, and that was it. After he listened to her opinion, he told her it was an interesting observation. Then she let the silence of the moment pierce her heart.

She felt like she couldn't breathe and yet had to pretend that she was just fine. She watched the road disappear under the tires, through her window, not wanting to look at him. It might overwhelm her, she might let those tears fall that she didn't want to. More than that, she didn't want to commit him to memory in this moment. What good could that do? All it would do is create another memory, another image that would slice through her when she was finally alone and her mind decided to betray her. So she stayed silent.

Then he asked her why she was quiet, she made an excuse about being distracted and proceeded to ask about his sweet little girl and then about little Lou who probably wasn't little anymore. But then that led back to _her_.

Phil had told _her_ about Luke because she had inquired about the dog. Then apparently something clicked for Phil. Because here they were. And it felt like a punch in the gut. Seriously, for all her practice of nonviolence she was sure she now knew the physical pain of a tough blow. If she hadn't helped Luke with the dog, maybe all of this wouldn't be happening. But then, she wouldn't have felt special that day. She wouldn't have felt closer to him than ever. She wouldn't have felt his hand on her back, she wouldn't have stood so comfortably close to him, so intimately, that she was almost brave enough to give him the eye, the one that always meant, _you're advances are welcome here._

Those eyes that meant, I feel something, now chase me. Yup, she'd almost done it and at that thought she felt momentarily relieved. A brief reprieve, until she realized that just because she hadn't made a complete fool of herself for him, didn't mean she hadn't been a fool. So now one of the purest memories she had of him was forever tainted, and damn it if she was grasping onto the last pieces of sanity that she had.

When they got to the BAU she was for once, happy to leave his company to go grab her things. As soon as she entered her office she felt like she wasn't suffocating anymore. She wasn't sure if she had been awkwardly quiet or if she spoke the whole car ride or in the elevator, or if he didn't notice because he was thinking about _her_. She didn't want to know. She had no poker face, but she did have the ability, as a woman, to mask her pain.

She knew pain and heartbreak would eventually seep out and clash with anyone it met when it grows too big for the container it had been kept in. She knew right now, it hadn't festered and bubbled yet, and she could temporarily let the gruesome facts of the case occupy her mind.

But as she saw him pull out her chair for her, all her resolve that she'd built up all day, evaporated. She had to blank out her mind, otherwise she would start asking herself why. She'd let herself hold onto the hope that he did it because he liked her, because he thought of her, because she meant something, and not just because he was a gentleman.

It wasn't about her, and that was what she would have to repeat to herself as often as she could. It was never about her. His charm and laughter and smoldering looks were just him. It wasn't her, she wasn't the one that elicited that from him. She was just the one it was fleetingly directed at and she'd been a fool to let her hope sprout so long ago. She wasn't sure she would ever end up with someone. She could end up with _someone_. But she didn't want that. She wanted the right one.

Marriage, as a concept, was not important to her. The commitment of saying forever to the right person, was. If having kids mattered to her, she could've had them long ago and even made an okay life. But not one that was filled with earth shattering love that she would cross the desert for.

When she thought about kids, she usually shrugged it off. She had never been determined to have them, but if she ever did, they would be Luke's. If he wanted them, then that was probably all she would need to convince her too. She always figured they'd cross that line when they got there. And if he didn't want kids, then even better. She wouldn't say no to having him to herself for the rest of her life.

After she finished her presentation, as she listened to them hypothesize, she made a promise to herself, if she didn't have Luke, she wouldn't have kids. Simply because she wasn't sure she'd ever trust a man as much as she trusted him, to care about the type of person they would bring into the world. She knew he'd be dedicated, and honest, open-minded, and caring. He'd teach his kids to recycle, to volunteer, to do all the little things she saw him do. He'd care if they stood up for others and he'd tell them as much. She knew he would show them how much he loved them every chance he could. He wasn't the type to swap time with his kids for time with the boys or the sports channel.

He was the type to change diapers and help clean, but he was also the guy that would pin her to a wall and fuck her into oblivion. She knew he was the guy that didn't stray and that he understood the importance of kindness. And that even after telling his children that they should seek peace, he'd go to work the next day and see anything but. And he would never bring that home to them and burden them. Nope. If her kids weren't his kids, she didn't want them.

She would still want to get married. Eventually, she knew the pain would have to lessen. When it did, she could find someone to stand by her side. Even if her husband was a great catch, he would never measure up to the way Luke understood her. Or maybe just the way she convinced herself that he had. Because after all, it wasn't real. It was her imagination.

Getting married to someone average, with common interests and not much more, that wasn't her. That was supposed to be other people. That was for people that thought what was expected for them was more important than love given on your terms. That was for people that were average and typical. She didn't want typical, she wanted everything. She thought he was everything and that it would happen eventually because how could you stop something so inevitable? So big, so towering, and free? How could you stop destiny?

But apparently destiny could be stopped. By a blind date. And suddenly she felt so ordinary she wasn't sure she was anyone at all.

So when Luke came by her office to say bye before they jetted off to save the world, she gave him a pleasant smile and a curt salutation. She didn't want to crumble in front of him, she didn't want him to see her falling apart over him. _Him._ She couldn't show him that vulnerability. She sure as hell didn't want a look of pity from him, or anyone else for that matter.

Damn it, they were profilers, they had to know how she felt but no one ever said anything to her. So did that mean they were trying to be respectful, or did they know it was hopeless? Could they tell he didn't even come close to seeing it the same way? If so, she would've appreciated a heads up before she let herself get carried away.

She broke her own damn heart and she knew it.

Maybe he always thought of her as a colleague, nothing more. She was confident and beautiful. She had a personality for days. Yup, there was nothing wrong with her. She worked for the FBI, damn it. She was a damn catch, a dream boat of a human being. And yet, here she was, without a person to share it with. Or at least not the person she thought was finally worthy of everything she wanted to give.

She didn't mind being single, in fact, she took pride in staying alone and not wasting time on anyone undeserving. So was she just one of those people who never found her lobster? Was she the person whose soul mate died in some deep sea diving excursion so she'd never meet him? Well that was ridiculous, her soul mate wouldn't deep sea dive. She'd realized then, that Luke was still staring at her, trying to size up her demeanor. She snapped at him, telling him not to profile her and she pushed past him as she moved things around her office. Mumbling about how he shouldn't start, not now, not now that it was so damn useless.

And for that matter why didn't he know? Maybe he did and if he did, that made it so much worse. She refused to fall apart, she refused to do that, not for him, not like this. But then again if not for him, then who? Who else did she know that deserved to be so loved by her? This whole time she thought he deserved the world for being so amazing. She thought it was a real life miracle that this amazing man was single, available, successful, kind, loyal, and at their age where the good ones were truly taken, he wasn't even close to being spoken for. At least, he hadn't been.

Everyone she met was at the least, divorced once or had kids running around somewhere. Something she knew she wouldn't be able to deal with, raising someone else's kid when she hadn't truly wanted her own. She just wouldn't be able to put her heart in it. Nothing wrong with those men she'd met here and there. Everyone had all different types of baggage, life was known to go off schedule. She didn't judge, but she knew pasts were sometimes forced on your present and it made things harder.

But then Luke Alvez landed in her lap, just as single, just as unconnected, just like her, with a past romantic history, but one that didn't really matter all that much. Especially in the face of something as epic as what they were going to have together. Or so she thought.

She thought he was there for her. She finally figured out why she turned down a perfectly decent man's proposal, because she was waiting for him. _Him_. But not now. Not ever again. So when he took a few more moments to scrutinize her, she finally sighed and gave him a little attitude to placate him.

Giving him attitude was so normal that he wouldn't question it and he'd leave her alone. And he did. Alone. They were gone. To New York. New York, where his family was, a family she thought she'd meet someday. But that didn't matter now. Even if they came to visit, she didn't want to know them. She didn't want to know what she was missing.

She tried to be as professional as possible. She had a job to do and she did it. She did it well. No one questioned her sanity, except her. She was a chipper voice on the phone but a dark black hole on the inside. She was grateful that he didn't have to call her a lot. She didn't want to hear his voice. Not now. Nope. Not now.

The time passed and her mind eventually had to give her a break. She had to eat and she had to stretch and she had to research and eventually other things were on the brain. It was only a few days but she did have to function. Until they said they were coming home. She was glad they were. Glad the case was solved, the bad guy no longer a threat. But as soon as she finished her report, she forgot what the case was about, the details so utterly insignificant.

She was in her office, knowing they would be back soon, but she, for the life of her, couldn't remember the case at all. Wasn't she just digging around a few hours ago? She sighed, her brief reprieve from overthinking was over.

Then there they were, her team. She wanted to give them cheer but instead she kept busy, if anyone looked at her funny, she wouldn't know. Maybe they didn't notice, surely they wouldn't notice that, if they couldn't see the giant gaping hole in her heart. She left them to their devices.

She tidied up. She finished things she needed to get done and then she decided to leave, not sure who was still there or not, she didn't even check. She just wanted to go home.

The utter exhaustion made her feel like begging for solace. A part of her wanted her to numb herself. But she refused to drown in alcohol, at least not tonight, not right now. Maybe later she could angrily blab to friends. Maybe. And maybe she'd have a drink then, but if she numbed this pain, she'd just feel hollow and she knew it. She knew in the end, no amount of alcohol could numb the sting of heartbreak.

As she waited for the elevator, a fleeting thought came to her, it was just a date. One date. It didn't mean anything, and she didn't know if it went well. She thought he was sad to leave but maybe he was just flustered, he had to go and he didn't want to be rude to a woman that was nice enough.

She felt a wash of relief come over her. Okay, he didn't need to go on another date. He didn't need to see _her_ again. Maybe he didn't want to see _her_ in the first place. Maybe he'd gone because he wasn't good at saying no. He didn't like to disappoint people, she was sure of it. But then as she tried to fill her lungs with air, the elevator dinged. The noise made her brain start flowing with all the insecurities again. The ones she'd felt the first time he'd walked into the elevator with her alone. Fucking Pavlov.

If he felt like she did, he wouldn't have gone. Period. End of story. Awkward or not, he would've said no and he damn well wouldn't have talked to her about it. With that, the denial was over as quickly as it came.

She stepped into the elevator and when she turned, hand poised over the button, there he was. Almost out of thin air. And she wanted to shout and ask why the universe did this, why dangle the carrot then never feed her? Just as she's starving, prepare a feast and make her watch as others greedily consumed. And there they were in the elevator together and she didn't want to let him see her sweat, she wanted to pretend she didn't care. She didn't want anyone to think she cared, she didn't want sympathy, she wanted love. The real true, over the moon, climbs a mountain, swims an ocean, love. And barring that, she was at least going home with her pride.

She would fake it until she made it. Maybe in time it wouldn't hurt anymore and the rest of those profilers would forget she ever cared. Maybe they'd even question if they had it right in the first place, since she planned on not letting them see her pain.

She vaguely hears him as he asks about her plans. She gives him an answer about things she needs to get done. She wants to ask him if he has plans, part of her wanting to consume the information but that part was also a masochist.

She didn't need to make another wound. So she kept quiet and oddly, so did he. But as she looked at him out of her peripheral vision she noticed that he'd changed in the locker rooms. He wouldn't have bothered if he was just going home. There would be no point. He'd only ever changed when he'd actually gotten dirty on a case and showering on the job was necessary. Otherwise he went home just as he'd arrived. Nope. He didn't have to say a word. She knew. And she could feel the emotion crawl up her body, towards her face. She could feel it pound her behind her eyelids. There were those damn tears threatening again. So she bit her lip and started thinking of happy things, like puppies, or kittens. Like the puppy they - or the toy cat he - Nope. No animals.

Rainbows, rainbows. She thought of rainbows and of Spencer's rambling explanation of them one time and at least that gave her until the elevator opened to not completely lose her shit.

She attempted to walk casually, when what she really wanted to do was take off her shoes and run. But that, she feared, would be a dead giveaway that she wasn't so fine after all. So she strode towards her vehicle and she expected him to be just a step behind her like he usually was. He'd halfway, sort of, kind of, walk her to her car every night. Not really, but he'd usually finish up whatever conversation they were having as he waved her a goodbye and then take strides towards his car. But not tonight, tonight he veered off to his car without detouring to hers.

He was still in view, they were parked across the drive from each other but he didn't take the detour towards her vehicle like usual and that was the thing to sink her ship. The final blow.

He was rushing away to meet up with another woman. So much so, that her own importance in his day to day was already dwindling. And then she felt it, the utter feeling of despair. Some tears finally broke through as she tried to get her key in the hole quickly, a harder task when the liquid clouded her eyes and a few droplets landed on her lenses. Damn it, why? Why the heartbreak that stung so bad? Why the loss of tranquility? The peaceful garden she'd made in her mind where Luke was next to her forever and always with that same look on his face. The one that made her believe.

She threw her bag on the passenger's seat hastily and practically fell limbless into her low seat. Desperately trying to hold in her tears, not wanting to ever cry but especially not here where others could see her. Others that definitely should never see her. One in particular that she didn't even want to give the privilege to ever see her cry again. And yes, her emotions were a privilege to share.

She started her car, hoping he wouldn't wonder what was wrong or think she was stuck or something. She picked up her phone to listen to the voicemail Derek had left. And then she saw it, she saw him pull out of the space he was parked in before she had. He always waited. He always waited for her to back out and then follow her as far as their routes overlapped and when they diverged, if they got stuck at the same light, he'd wave before turning. But not tonight, not now, maybe not ever again. No, tonight, he wasn't going her direction, tonight he wasn't going to let her car go in front of him, much the way he would let her through a door first.

The anger enveloped her and then the sadness kicked it out. And that's what happened the whole way home. She alternated between emotions, as if she was having a hormone overload every three minutes. She didn't break down, the tears didn't overflow, the emotions too jumbled to send a message to her body of what to do.

She parked in her spot, feeling numb, feeling broken, feeling stupid, and vulnerable. She was supremely confident. She wasn't the type to judge others and she expected the same in return and yet, as she climbed the stairs in her building, she felt the burden of doubt.

She doubted herself. Not her actions, not her mind, not her interpretations. But herself. Who she was and wasn't. She hadn't done that since she was a teenager. After getting out from under Shane's thumb she easily found herself. Hit her stride, and she only had moments here or there. Like when she argued with Derek because she thought he was insulting her when she asked his opinion about a guy in a coffee shop. She'd overreacted, she knew it. Because knowing him, he just wanted her to listen to her own instincts.

She felt a little doubt when she first took over JJ's job, but it wasnt so much about her, so much as not wanting to let the team down. But, that was short lived. Other than a few mishaps, she never doubted herself or her appeal or her worth. She'd made that vow to herself long ago, when she discovered that life was short, and she couldn't spend it worrying about what other people told her to be.

But here she was, in doubt. And she wondered how she let a man do this to her when she never had before. She was usually the one to end things and even when she wasn't, she felt only some pain, not like this. She had never even kissed the man.

Her feet were barely making it to the next step. She almost tripped up the steps feeling the heaviness of her legs, feet, and shoes. Her emotional baggage too heavy to carry when she was just trying to physically retreat.

She faintly heard voices and she rolled her eyes. If her neighbors were having a party again, she wasn't sure if she'd suddenly run into the hall to maim them with a knife or join them, just to pretend like she wasn't herself for an hour or two. As she finally got to her hall she looked up from her feet and she saw all of them, minus _him_.

They all inspected her as they stood on both sides of the hall, waiting for her arrival and that's when it happened, she fell to her knees, so exhausted from carrying this burden of love. So mad that they all knew. So broken that she felt distinctly cold. So angry no one warned her, hinted to her, anything. And so livid at herself for needing them, all the same. Nope. She didn't want to be weak, she wanted to maintain some dignity, that was her plan. She cried regularly but she didn't want to be a blubbering idiot over this. She wanted to mourn in secret.

But here she was, they knew. They knew so well, that they planned. Without telling him, they made a plan to leave earlier so they could be here when she got home. They knew enough to hide it from him. They all knew enough to know that she had no place else to turn and they knew enough that she cared and that he didn't. They knew enough that her heart was shattered and they would know the same thing on Monday morning. Except when Monday rolled around, they would also know what it looked like when she felt like she couldn't fucking breathe. What she looked like when she had mascara running down her face, lipstick smudged, and her foundation and blush just a whisper of what they used to be.

They would know, and for the first time, she didn't care. Her pride was long gone. It didn't matter who knew, as long he didn't and as long as he never would. They saw her pain and they were going to be there when she choked on her last sob of the night and they were going to be there when she pulled a t-shirt over her body and a pair of sweats over her ass. And as they sat on the couch with her, they'd watch the future she'd planned, disintegrate into the nothing it always was.

She heard them coming to her. Silence, except for their footsteps and as they surrounded her, she moved her hands from her face for the first time since she'd made friends with the floor. And she asked them if it was all in her head.

She needed to know, wanted to know. Just how one-sided was this love affair she'd been having? She got a few _no's_ and few, _didn't seem like it's_. But she wasn't sure if that made her feel better or worse. Nope. Not a clue.

She felt Matt pick her up. And vaguely saw Rossi and Tara gather her things, the former tossing the keys to Spencer who was closest to her door. She heard the footsteps on her wooden floor and the door shutting. And she heard the silence that was piecreing the air louder than a wartime cannon.

As Matt deposited her on the couch, she felt JJ and Emily wrap themselves around both of her sides. She felt the tears sting and the drool on her mouth and the wet nose she'd been trying to maintain, let loose even more than it already had.

As if she didn't feel bad enough, now she was going to do the ugly cry. But what did it matter what your face looked like when your life felt vacant and hollow?

She gazed up at them, all of them sitting now. Except Matt, who was distinctly watching her face as changing over and over with each new wave of emotion. She could see that he felt helpless. Luke was also his friend, his closest friend on the team, and he probably had it the worst when it came to feeling caught in the middle. She felt the tears race and the hiccuping begin, as she wiped her face with tissues that were handed to her, from whom, she didn't know. As she calmed, if that was even the word for her body depleting all the energy she had, she excused herself to retreat to her room and did the wardrobe change she'd known she would. She shuffled back to them, feeling desensitized, not knowing if she wanted to talk or just feel or feel nothing at all.

So instead she asked if she was crazy. They all respond in the negative. Then she asks if she isn't, how can her heart feel like dust. They hadn't even had a first date, let alone a second, like the one he was on right now. No one truly has an answer as she feels them glance at each other. She tells them it's fine to go but none of them move, so she asks what she should do. Because that was the thing she didn't know. She explains that she didn't know they saw through her but that she should've known better and she wants to know how she moves forward.

No one's sure and then she gets a suggestion from an, ever-hopeful JJ, that maybe if he knew how she felt, things would be different. And Penelope looks at her like she'd lost her mind because things are already different. How can she un-feel everything that had broken her down? And for a moment, she wished she could go back in time and warn herself. For once she wished to erase the emotions, rather than be glad she learned from them.

She thinks about being the Penelope that she was before she'd ever met him. Blissfully unaware of the knowledge of real love. And then she wondered, if she was granted a magic wand, if she'd really take back the moments of utter bliss she now owned, because of the way he laughed as he drove her home. When he rubbed her shoulders. When he comforted her. When he cared about her emotional well-being.

Why her? The thought floats through her mind, that he would've done the same for any other member of the team, it's just, she was the one who never compartmentalized so she was the one in need of it. But she'd rationalized this before and everytime it popped in her mind that he didn't really have to, she remembered, that meant he chose to. Even if he'd be there for the others, he wouldn't have been quite the same. Because no matter what she did, she was _very aware_ that he only looked at her that way. That way he did. He didn't look at the rest of them like that. And while that rationalization used to bring her comfort on the nights filled with angst and impatience and longing, now all it did was make her mad that he'd ever laid eyes on her at all.

She's vaguely aware that the others are trying to tell her it's just a couple dates and if she wanted to, she could probably just be open with him, he wouldn't judge her. To this her response is to ask then why did he go and also to ask if they think he knows how she feels. If they all knew, surely he did.

After a few more pointed looks to each other, she gets a generic, _he went because someone set him up, he wasn't out there looking_. Which is placating at best, but at worst, it reminds her, that means he wasn't ever looking at her either. And at the end of that long, over-analytical, tunnel, the answer is, he still went.

To the other question, suddenly their profiling skills aren't practically those of a psychic. It's Rossi that finally lets his voice be heard when he says he thinks Luke is confused. How could he know if she was serious about not liking him, if the teasing was genuine or in jest. Luke was unaware if he really got on the nerves of the tech analyst or if she actually was joking. That he was confused by her intentionally sweet demeanor, that somehow occasionally turned sour around him. That he probably didn't want to bring out the worst in her. And then she counters his very fair point with a, _shouldn't he know better?_ Shouldn't he know why she acted that way.

A few more glances and it's Matt who steps in, having been quiet as he studied her face. As if he knew something he shouldn't, and she hopes he's about to tell her that Luke had said exactly that, and that he was sworn to secrecy. And then she rolls her eyes at the hope that sprung up in her chest as if she wasn't just on her knees crying, saying this painful memory was irrevocable. As if it would all be just that simple.

But Matt says something less than helpful, he says he thinks Luke was concerned about the fraternization rules and the job he now loved. Consequences, if something happened. He mentions he wasn't certain that Luke wasn't just protecting himself and that's why he was okay thinking about someone else.

Reid must've seen her anger bubbling to the surface and he chirps in that Luke wasn't the easiest to read, that he was good at masking his natural body reactions, certainly due to all the training he'd had. To which she counters he should still have been able to read her. Reid makes that face, that face he makes, and for once she finds it irritating instead of adorable.

Tara chimed in with a good, if not irrelevant point, him being emotionally invested in her made her harder to read. He might know some things that she put out there, but some minor jealousy or some flirty banter were not confirmation of how she felt. Penelope knew that, but it didn't hurt to hear from someone else. Emily says that she thinks Luke is tired of waiting around with nothing going on in his personal life and that since he wasn't sure about her feelings, maybe he was tired of guessing.

This is when she wonders if they are just trying to make her feel better or if they are flat out lying. After all, they didn't go talk Luke away from his date. They didn't have a heart to heart with him. They were here.

She asks why it didn't mean as much to him as it did to her and if that was impossibly pathetic. Rossi stands up from his chair and tells her in a very firm voice that Luke most definitely liked her. He could feel it. And that if the two of them weren't so blind, they wouldn't be here now. She remembers, tough love Rossi, this moment making her flashback to when he'd done the same thing after her shooting. She wonders why it makes her feel better, and at that moment she tells them that she can't think about this anymore. Rehashing it and living in her regrets was doing nothing. She informs them that she knows her heart will mend and that time makes the pain more bearable.

She tells them all to go, but JJ announces that they are all having brunch tomorrow, to which everyone agrees. She shrugged her acquiescence. Rossi then volunteers to order it from the fancy breakfast place at the exclusive club he was a member of. She looked at him like he'd lost his mind but he shrugged and told her that his kitten deserved the best and if she'd let them return in the morning, they could have brunch as one big family on that big dining room table she obtained for such occasions.

Again they say they'll be back in the morning. Most of them even offer to stay the night, to which she declines. She vaguely hears JJ tell her to check in with Derek but she knows one of them would update him. Someone says they'll call in a while to check up on her and she tells them not to, she's too tired to stay up. She wants to sleep, no disruptions.

She knows they know she's going to curl up and either cry or get angry. She knows that they don't know what Luke ever meant by his actions, but she also knows that at least they saw it too.

The way he looked at her.

They saw it. So she wasn't so damn insane after all. Maybe Luke was closed off but at least there was something. At the very least they thought he'd considered it. _Considered,_ the only thing that ran through her mind for so long that she can't actually remember what occupied her mind prior to her playing out different scenarios and scenes in her head.

She can't remember what she thought about prior to him. And then she starts to lament the loss of that in itself. The thought that her thoughts had to change. Another loss to deal with, another knockout blow. She can't remember shutting her door or locking it but she knows she did.

She goes to her fridge and then the freezer and then shuts them both in quick succession. She wasn't going to use alcohol as a crutch and she wasn't going to use food either. She wants to be healthy, not just physically, but emotionally. She knows diving in something else right now wouldn't save her, it would just bring her down from a different high.

She sits back on the couch and stares at the wall, she knows thoughts are racing but they are going by so fast she can't grasp them and she can't tell what they are anymore. She does a fantastic impression of a zombie as she brushes her teeth and uses a face wipe, not bothering with her eyes, since scrubbing off the waterproof makeup felt like it would zap all of her remaining energy.

She cares about nothing right now. The world be damned. She burrows under the covers, wanting to turn on tv and zone out like she always did. But somehow, right now, that seems like a crutch too.

She wasn't going to be able to deal with this any other way than in time. No matter how many times a therapist told her to think through her problems, journal about them, and reach out to friends, right now, nothing can erase her aching chest. Nothing but a damn rewind, she was smart, but she hadn't figured out the technology to go back in time yet. She vows to start working on it in the morning, and for the first time since his first date, days ago, she laughs.

That's when she remembers she is strong. She's confident. She got knocked down sometimes and sometimes she got sad. Sometimes she was vulnerable but everything she did was real. Always real. She was always honest and real. She was always trying to grow and evolve. She was always trying to be better. She knew that if she wanted the world to be better, she was the one who had to start it within herself and she tried.

Sure, she was flawed but she still gave it her all. She didn't like lying or deceiving or using or manipulating. That's why she couldn't bring herself to lie to Luke and bump into him accidentally. And that was why she didn't do a search on _her._ And that's why she didn't actually interrupt his date without real reason. And that's why, in his truck on their way away from his date, she was honest and said there was probably nothing wrong with the woman he'd met. Nope. Nothing at all. Except that she wasn't _her_.

In that moment she sits up, her ears ringing, as she realizes in all her need to be honest, in her effort to live authentically, she hadn't actually been real about the one thing that mattered, him. _Him_.

If she was so honest then how on earth did he not know? Because she hid. Behind snark and commentary. She did it to protect herself, and while that was understandable, it wasn't the absolute truth. At that moment she wants to berate herself, she wants to beat herself up, but that wasn't constructive either. She squared her shoulders and with a clear mind, one not filled with alcohol, without a tub of ice cream to numb her pain and her tongue, and without the escapism of tv, she made the scariest decision of her life. The decision to tell him.

Straight out, straightforward. And if he gave her a look of pity, disgust, or confusion she would take it, because then at least she could move on. It was the never knowing that would kill her for sure. One day, the regret would dice her up into pieces and she refused to let that day come because after all, what kind of healthy move was that?

She was either going to be chasing dreams or lamenting about dreams long lost. She nominated the former.

With the most bravery she ever had, she picked up her phone with her hands shaking hard. She drops it in her lap to make fists, trying to quiet the nerves but it's a useless notion. She wants to tell him in person. She wants to tell him yesterday. She wants to tell him the way he deserved to be told.

The way she deserved to make the hardest confession of her life, with the attention and occasion it warranted, but she had to think logistically. She already felt torn apart by him just having a date. A date that didn't even warrant a peck on the cheek or a hug goodbye. And tonight he was with the woman again. If this went better, and without interruption, it might end in something she'd never forget and therefore may never forgive. Even if he technically would have nothing to be sorry for. And she can't even think of that because it would break her.

She decides she has to do this this way, but decidedly, not the coward's way. Just the way she thought was the fairest that she could, now that she'd let it get to this point.

She looked at the time, depending on where he went, he'd probably been on the date for an hour and she decided it was now or never because the longer it goes on, the more chance of him slipping away from her grasp because of his actions. This was the thing she should've done, this was the thing she could've done to avoid it all.

She started typing.

 **Luke, can I text you about something right now? I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something, I promise it will only take a moment** **.**

She waits, she didn't want to send a text without context that would be even more unfair. She wanted him to know, that at the very least, it was important to her. And that's all she could ask for, after all, did he even owe her anything?

Her tummy hurt from the butterflies making a home there and she waits. Waits for what seems like forever and then she remembers he turns off his phone to be courteous to his dates. She almost wants to bang her head into the wall. But if she had to, she'd ping his phone, go there, and tell him. Even in her sweats, she'd do it, because he had to know.

She couldn't let it go without him knowing and she doesn't want to be rude to _her_ , she truly doesn't, but she can't burn her own life down because of that. She gets up, ready to have to drive somewhere when her phone lights up.

 **Good thing I learned to keep my phone on just in case. Go ahead, is this about why you were crying?**

And a weird happy tear came to her eye as she laughs, because he did notice her and in that moment she is certain she should do this, because didn't he say he was willing to be the one she came to? And here she was, crying.

 **Yes. Listen, or read, ha oh god I even ramble in texts. Okay nevermind, what I need to say is this, I was crying because I was upset with you for going on a date. But I realize it's my own fault that I'm upset, not yours. You might not have feelings for me but I've got them for you and since you're a friend I hope you don't laugh at me. But that's the thing, hiding it, was killing me. I'm super sorry I'm telling you now. It's stupid and wrong and I didn't want to text this, of all the things I could do, but there it is. I can't keep making myself cry. So, I'm in love with you and it's okay that you don't feel the same. It'll pass. Don't worry. You don't need to say anything.**

She takes a huge breath and lets her chest lift from the burden being gone. She could start to move on now. She could let it be in the past. She was surprised she wasn't anxious for a response either. She didn't expect one.

She set her phone on the nightstand, on vibrate, which would wake her up if someone called but a lone text might not. She did want to sleep, she needed to sleep.

She suddenly felt very free. Her heart not so tangled. And her eyes as dry as whatever the opposite of a whistle was. She kicked off her sweats and unhooked her bra, pulling it through her sleeve rather than take the shirt off. She'd only left it on because the boys were there when she'd changed earlier. She got down into the covers. She pulled the heavy fluffy comforter up around her, smelling the cleanliness, happy she'd changed them recently. Something about them being fresh from the wash made her feel even more cleansed after her confession. At least it wasn't her burden to bear anymore.

She put her glasses on the pillow next to her, happy that she had room in her bed, hey, silver linings. And the utter exhaustion of her body and mind put her right to sleep.

She didn't even realize that it was still nighttime when she woke to the sounds. She felt so rested, she looked at her phone it had been less than an hour. Power naps apparently were a real thing.

She squinted, not wanting to put on her glasses, so annoyed that she needed to clean them first. Besides if Sergio was just breaking shit around the kitchen because he wanted water, she'd rather not see the mess she would have to clean in the morning. And then she hears the noise again. It was a thud and she jumped, it was too late at night for a thud like that not to concern her. Then she heard it again, in a rhythm and her groggy mind recognized the sound of a knock on her door. She picked up her phone, briefly remembering she had made a confession, the thought making a chill run up her spine but she pushed it away. She had no texts or calls, he chose not to say anything and that was fair enough. Even if he had thought about her that way once, it didn't mean he did now. It didn't mean shit, he owed her less than nothing, she'd already resigned herself to that fact before she'd sent it.

As she sleepily walked to the door, she assumes it's Derek, maybe JJ, because she looked uneasy when she left and she hadn't checked in again. Knowing JJ, she probably had planned for a forced sleepover all along. But no, Penelope told her no. So it must be Derek because he was checking on her a lot these past few days. A lot.

She'd sort of told him what was happening but not the whole thing. Not every detail and feeling. She also knew now that he'd been in touch with the team, mostly JJ and Reid. He'd surprise her. She knew it. He already had before when she needed him. It wasn't midnight yet, he usually took the flight that got there after midnight because he could still send Hank off to bed first, but there was also a flight that landed at ten that he'd caught before. She figured that's what he'd done, she smiles thinking she would have to tell him off again for wasting money and time but she'd be delighted all the same. She heard the knock again and she notes the knock is too loud and angry to be JJ anyway. Why did Derek even have to intimidate a door? A brief thought runs through her that said it was Luke. She let out a humorless laugh, her road to recovery would be littered with landmines. But at least she was finally in the car.

She sleepily opens the door, speaking before thinking, she says Derek's name and starts to ask what he was doing there, but her question is paused midway through, while it sits on her tongue.

"Luke?" It's the first time she hears her own voice since her mind went on this tangent days ago. Since he went on that date. The first time her thoughts weren't muffling all the interactions with the world around her. It's also the first time she had ever seen him this mad. He was furious. She gulped, she thought she would be shedding more tears but she had no idea they would be caused by him directly. She almost spoke again but she stayed quiet and acquiescent, he could yell at her if he wanted, it would be the least of her worries. Her heart was already broken.

* * *

It seems mean to leave it here, but originally I just wanted to exorcise the feelings of heartbreak and betrayal. That whole thing, where we don't know what someone else wants and we don't know if we'll ever get to have them in our lives. It was supposed to be about her process, without a resolution, BUT I did start writing Luke's process. It feels less intense and less therapeutic. I wasn't sure if it was necessary.


	2. Is That Fog

Luke's thoughts at the same time as Penelope's. Thanks for the many PM's as well as reviews telling me you wanted this, because I was very unsure. Once again this is broken up structure-wise, simply to reflect a more realistic view.

* * *

Garcia was acting odd, Luke thought, as he drove away from the restaurant. He wondered why she was so quiet. He knew why, she was already dreading being at the BAU all night by herself while they jetted off.

He smiled as he drove, thinking about her pretending to not want to intrude on his date. She totally did, he expected as much, in fact he was seriously surprised she hadn't given him a printout beforehand, of the woman's credit score and high school grade reports. She saw him looking at restaurants, even though he tried to hide it from her, not wanting to hear from her all the things he was going to do wrong. His choice of restaurant was not what she would like, her and her vegetarianism probably didn't fit the steakhouse.

This woman Phil set him up with sounded much more regular. Penelope was a - he wasn't sure what she was, she was different in every sense of the word. He wonders what she thought of the girl. Garcia had an opinion on everything. So he asked her and got a very un-Garcia like, opinionless opinion. But he heard her say that Phil wouldn't steer him wrong. He hadn't really thought about it like that. The woman sounded very accomplished, and had seemed nice but he couldn't really tell much in such a short amount of time.

He tries to ask Penelope about what he could only describe as her sadness but she averts the question, instead asking about Lou and Roxie, he was happy to report, Lou was learning quickly. He just learned on his date, that Phil had been bringing him to physical therapy.

Penelope fell silent again, so he asked how she pinged phones, if it was hard. He hears her scoff at him as she kept her eyes trained on the road. A partial smile came to his face, he shook his head, this girl was something else. She was pissed at him for asking about her skills. He liked when she would attempt to explain things to him and then get that annoyed glare that creased her forehead when she realized she was wasting her breath. But there were a lot of things she could do that were impressive. She never took a compliment and she certainly never believed that he wasn't being sarcastic.

He wondered if he shouldn't have teased her as much as he did. But he quickly put that thought away because that was something that they both enjoyed. He knew she did, yes, she was genuinely annoyed with him sometimes but she liked the entertainment value at least. Plus, it was the way that they had bonded. She liked messing with him.

He didn't really understand what it was, that he had stamped on his forehead, that made her think he was the one to use for entertainment. She certainly didn't treat Walker that way when he started. Actually she never treated anyone like that. He feels himself chuckling, thinking about the fact that their friendship was actually quite a deep, intricate one, simply because she treated him so differently.

He had to work for their friendship and so did she. He saw the effort it took her to let him see around her resolve. She didn't want to, he knew that much, but they could only tease each other for so long. They didn't have to become best friends but it was almost as if they did anyway when they weren't looking. He couldn't imagine calling anyone else in his life to go with him to deliver that puppy to Phil. That was raw and real, she heard him talk about his own recovery and while he knew he could trust any of his team with that information, she was the only one that really would have felt it. She had empathy in spades, and for that, he was grateful that he didn't just write her off when she was so unwelcoming to him at first.

Then again he wasn't sure how anyone could have ever written her off. You can't write Penelope Garcia off, it's impossible. It was still an utter mystery to him why she gave him such an icy attitude. But he kind of understood her stance on things, he was coming in from Fugitive Recovery, and they had quite the reputation at the academy. Most agents were on the borderline of being criminals themselves. They were mostly loners, team work wasn't necessary as much as instinct and stamina. His Army days didn't impress her. She probably thought he was one of the military guys that was douchey and said things like _ooh ahh_ while smashing a beer can on their head. He'd known plenty of those guys, it was a cliche for a reason. But that wasn't all of them. It certainly wasn't him.

As he pulled into the parking lot, he figured he must be a terrible companion. She looked kind of pissed and he had zoned out long ago. But something about getting to know someone new, thinking about how he would eventually have to tell a girlfriend about all these things, things that his team knew, things Penelope knew well, that sounded terrifying. But the girl seemed alright, Penelope was right, he did have a good time talking to her.

He might not be the best judge of that though, almost everything seemed exciting nowadays. He was fairly socially isolated, Phil was still around but he was dealing with his own demons. Other than that, it was just the team. They would go get drinks together, and sometimes have family get-togethers. But most of them had their own families to attend to, so he was still mostly alone when they weren't working.

It was a nice change of pace. At first, he was a little reluctant. He didn't want to get too close to them all. He had to admit to himself that he was, in fact, trying to hide, trying to protect himself, trying not to get too attached to anything or anyone but he didn't want to continue to feel that way. He was more and more aware of his demons and though he had worked through a lot of them, it didn't make him overly emotionally intelligent.

He was better than most, he at least knew what his issues were. He had gone to therapy. A lot of therapy. The FBI wanted him, they wanted his skills. They knew his background, being in the rangers made him supremely qualified for the bureau but he still had to be emotionally stable. He had worked hard. What he told Phil about, that was where he was at before. It wasn't something he said to make Phil feel better, it was what happened to him. He had PTSS, he dealt with it, it was better. But he had spent so much time just trying to get through, he hadn't really started his life yet, not outside of what he had done for work.

He never felt like he ever established his identity before he left for the Army, he was young, so that made sense, but then he had to dedicate his life and mind to his missions and that meant never really taking the time to know himself. He felt like he was just doing that now. Maybe he was finally ready to do this, to be with someone.

Who better than a nice doctor that had been all over the world, volunteering? She had probably seen some things that weren't great either. He needed to move his life forward. He was rapidly approaching forty and he had less than nothing established on the personal front. His therapist told him that he had all the time in the world, that age wasn't what was going to hold him back from a good relationship, not being able to be a good partner because he wasn't whole, would.

He needed something to hold onto. He wanted it, he was tired of feeling empty. He didn't know the BAU would give him a home in the way that it had. The FBI didn't do that, the BAU did. His team did. They all felt that way about each other. Trusted each other implicitly, had each other's backs, and with the exception of Penelope, they all accepted him with open arms. Yet she was the one that he knew would always come to his aid, no matter the time or the dilemma. She was that person, she did that for everyone. She was so selfless. She was a ray of sunshine even when there was thunder rolling in. She was the glue on that team, without her, they would still be there for each other, but she was the one that reminded them how much of a gift it was and that they needed to put each other first.

The BAU didn't necessarily change him, it just finally let him be who he really was. It let him calm down, it gave him stability. Not that it wasn't a hard job, but he had support here. And what he had already gone through, well, the BAU couldn't ever quite take the same emotional toll.

Phil was right, if he wanted to support him, he should make sure he continued getting better, then he could show the way. Phil was his best friend and he wanted what was best for him. If Phil thought this girl was special, then maybe he should give it a real chance. He had to be honest, the thought of having a girlfriend, a real girlfriend, was enticing. He was finally ready. He pulled out his phone to text her that he was sorry he had to leave, and he asked if he could make up for it when he got back. He slid his phone back in his pocket and turned to Penelope to joke about how he took her opinions seriously. He wanted to tell her to admit that he was actually quite the gentleman.

But she was leaning against the window with her forehead pressed flat against the cold glass. Her eyes were closed, it looked like she was deep in thought. He reached over to touch her arm but as his fingertips connected, it seemed to jolt her out of a daydream. She gives him a barely there glare, usually it would've been accompanied by some long winded put down that would make him laugh.

Instead he observes her unbuckle swiftly and make the little hop out of his truck without a second glance. He shook his head, she was in a sour mood today. He knew she couldn't have had much rest, she was still there when he left and just hours later she was back, rounding up the kids. She loved her job, he knew she loved the team, she made a difference but he also knew some days were harder than others. She always made things bright though, he would sometimes go to her office just to get a quick reset on the harsh realities of the day. How could you not smile when you are surrounded by various figurines of mythical creatures and some regular domestic creatures as well.

She appeared to be on the verge of tears in the elevator but maybe he was seeing things. Her anger sometimes manifested itself in different ways. Normally, he would comfort her, but for some reason he felt an extra chilly vibe from her today. She was too lost in her own thoughts, she didn't look like she wanted an intruder. But he can't bring himself to look away from her as they take the familiar elevator ride.

He wants to figure it out, she was supposed to be easy to read and she was. Sort of. She didn't have a poker face when it came to how she felt about most things. The agreement not to profile each other extended to her as well. He felt like she should get extra courtesy since she couldn't really profile them back. Although, she could figure out everything about someone as long as it was digitally recorded somewhere. He wondered which of those things was more intrusive.

Even though he contrived the situation with Roxy, way back when, her feelings then weren't quite as tough to figure out. She just didn't really expect him to be a good guy. And he got that. She expected the worst, it was more instinct than profiling. So no, he didn't always try to decipher why she did the things she did. Even if he tried, he wondered if it would matter.

She accused him of trying to be mysterious, full of contradictions, but it was her that seemed to be the puzzle. One minute she blamed him for ruining her day by existing, the next, she's buying his dog presents, then she would go back to insults. But somewhere along the way he started playing too. And that had somehow solidified the friendship. It made it deeper than that of his, with Prentiss, Reid, anyone. Simply because they ended up having to trust each other immensely in order to be able to play together that way. Pushing a few buttons and boundaries. If they really didn't understand each other, she wouldn't trust him enough to play with him in front of the others. If they were actually trying to hurt each other, it would have been different but since they weren't, they had to build that connection and that's why he felt closest to her.

As they step off the elevator he wants to ask her if she's okay, he couldn't let it go just because she was so cagey. But she darted off the moment the doors opened. He wonders what he had done to piss her off this time. He didn't go faster than the speed limit, he knew she hated that. He decided to shake it off, and greet Spencer who was by his desk, putting Garcia in the back of his mind and setting a mental reminder to check on her.

After her presentation while the team threw out a few ideas, he watches her idly jot things down instead of actively making puns. This case must've gotten to her. Maybe she had an irrational fear of werewolves? No, she told him that she didn't get scared watching Werewolves of London but that she did think it was a shit film. He finds himself laughing as he gathered his things, remembering her staunch opinion on the matter.

He decides to check on her, he still had fifteen minutes before wheels up. He checked on her sporadically anyway. He always had. He felt an odd sense of protection towards her. Penelope was always so sensitive, but in a good way. He decided that long ago. She wasn't jaded, and he thought that was one of the most impressive things she had ever accomplished. Working in this job so long, most people grew a thick skin, a way to cope, but not her. She let her emotions free and he actually thought she might be the one out of all of them, that was doing it right.

As he walked into her office, he found her looking intense. She was probably already thinking through how she was going to get everything together and save their asses. As he gets her attention, he feels a weird vibe coming off of her. It was like she wanted him there but she also wanted him to never speak to her again.

He almost leans in to hug her, isn't that what JJ would do, or Tara or Matt or really anyone on the team? Everyone except him, they'd never embraced, not like that. She would never hug him goodbye at the bar like she did the others. In that moment he wonders how he could feel closest to her when she obviously didn't feel the same way back.

They had affectionate moments, almost all instigated by him. Almost all because of some terrible circumstance and the reassurance, physical affection could give. He never liked to see her upset, it was that protective thing again. She didn't need him, but he wanted her to be okay, always. He didn't want to cross a line though, so he never did. He never allowed himself to hug her, but that would make him feel better, not her. And the last thing he wanted, was to lose her friendship when she provided so much of his support.

So instead he tried to tell her they would be back soon and not to worry, he wouldn't let anyone get bitten. He watches the tight smile grow on her face, he could see she was busy, he interrupted something, because she looked like her mind was preoccupied. He almost asks if it was about some guy, she never mentioned guys to him. Never.

Other than when he was first on the team and she made a passing comment that turned dirty by accident. He tries not to laugh as he remembers her accidental slip. He watches her swivel around in her chair, she was idly pushing some of her trinkets around. He finds himself glancing around for signs of a new partner or maybe the absence of an old one. She wasn't in a relationship though. Her relationship with the clarinet guy was all but done, even back then, and he wasn't serious anyway. But she had to date, she wasn't a nun. Or she was the dirtiest minded nun he'd ever met.

He lets his eyes wander over her desk and land on a picture of the whole team right after Matt joined, and he remembers they weren't supposed to profile each other. She got up and gave him some biting remark, she wasn't in the mood to divulge feelings, clearly. He nodded at her back and said his goodbye, telling her to get some sleep. He asks her if she wants an extra pillow. There were plenty hanging around, since people in this building had to pull overnighters often. She shook her head, and he sees another tight smile coming his way, making him almost stop and demand to know what was happening but she would just shut down. He always feared if he pushed her to be more open she would shut him out entirely and he didn't want that.

As the team walked to the jet, he wondered again how he could feel so close to her when she was always keeping him at arm's length. Something inside of him though, it understood her. There was something that he just knew. She was familiar even when she was a stranger. She made everybody feel that way, she was special like that. Somehow pushing him further away made him feel like she was actually pulling him closer.

He scoffs, thinking that made no sense, then he remembers where he is, he looks up at the team around him, realizing he had been thinking to himself and reacting as if he was in an actual conversation. He sits back against the side of the plane, letting them know he was back from wherever he had been.

He called her about the case the next day, she didn't sound like herself, not at first. After she gave him the info he needed, he tried to ask if she was okay, if she was sleeping alright. She barely answered and he knew that meant she was probably exhausted. She never slept well when she was in the office overnight. Not if she thought they would need her. He tried to tell her to take it easy but she signed off curtly. He stared at his phone screen where there was picture of her sticking her tongue out at him. They were at O'Keefes and she had been taking shots with Emily and had managed to out drink her, not an easy feat. Afterwards, he took a picture of the winner but she told him not to, so instead of posing, he got her tongue. He laughed at the photo, she would probably do the same thing to him right now if she could.

That reminded him, he should check to see if he had another date set up already. He thought going to a bar would be less structured and maybe he'd do better, not feeling completely out of his element. He pulled out his personal phone, checking to see if he missed anything. He always kept it on silent when they were on a case. Nothing. He thought that the woman seemed to like him. They had pleasant conversation and that wasn't always easy to do when you didn't know somebody. He squinted at his phone, was he really that bad at this?

Dating was never a priority but it didn't mean he'd never dated. But the circumstances were different when he did. Most of the women he'd met while in the Army were friends of his fellow soldiers. So there was usually an understanding that they knew they were deployed often and not looking for something serious. The thought process was different and made it no pressure. Now that he might want to commit, maybe make a life with someone, he wasn't sure how to make that connection. He thought about sending her another text but was that even worse?

It didn't sit right with him, what had he done? He didn't want to be alone forever, not anymore. He finally felt good about where he was, he finally had a job he loved, that gave him a family he loved. He finally felt whole. Maybe this woman could be a part of that.

As he waited for Simmons to get ready to go to the park to keep watch that night, he decided he needed caffeine. As he turns away from the coffee machine in the office they were currently invading, he runs into JJ, literally. He hears her laugh and he thanked goodness he'd put a lid on his coffee. He apologized for being so distracted. He sees her tilt her head at him with a look he couldn't decipher, it wasn't pity, it was more sadness. He wonders if she knew what was wrong with Penelope, maybe that's why JJ made that face.

He set his coffee down on the table next to where she was now making her own, and asks about their colorful friend. JJ gave him a resigned smile and says that Garcia was having a tough time dealing with some personal issues. She didn't elaborate, even though he stuck his neck out hoping she would answer the silent request for more details. Instead she tips her head and asks him where the colorful comment came from. He feels the chuckle rising in his chest as he tells her where he'd just heard it. He thought that it was an accurate description, until he saw JJ's brow furrow.

He finds himself fearful, asking if it was a bad thing to say. Was it an insult he was unaware of? He watches JJ shake her head, much to his relief, she even agrees it's not a bad way to describe the Penelope they knew, however, she did think it was an odd way to describe someone you've never spoken to.

Even if Penelope had on an impeccably matching outfit, colorful seemed like a judgement if it were coming from just looking at someone across a restaurant. After JJ made the comment he vaguely notices her walking away, leaving him feeling utterly perplexed. He thought that it meant his date was observant, that she got Penelope at first sight, sort of like he had. That she could tell from the very beginning that Penelope was just an enigma and that only descriptive adjectives would suit her. He was pretty sure she wasn't trying to be insulting, it didn't seem like something this woman would do. Granted he didn't know her well but if she volunteered so much of her time, she couldn't be a judgemental jerk.

He hears Matt through the haze in his mind, calling his name, asking if he was ready to go. He nods, he liked working with Matt so at least the night wouldn't be terrible. After it had been hours, Luke felt a little antsy, he never got an explanation about Penelope and she hadn't text him back when he asked her again if she slept okay. He rolled his eyes and pulled out his personal cell, well apparently his date didn't think too much of him either. No calls. No texts. He can't help but assume he was completely unaware of being socially awkward.

When he was undercover he could be anything, but when he was himself, maybe he was weird. Maybe women liked him until they actually got to know him. He hoped that wasn't true. He was tired of being lonely, he was finally feeling like he had something to offer somebody besides his broken mind that tried to betray him sometimes. So if she didn't answer him, that meant he scared her off without her even seeing him near his worst. Well, shit.

He feels Matt's gaze, he knows he's giving him a funny look, in fact, he thought everyone was sort of looking at him funny. Maybe this was all just him. Maybe there wasn't anything wrong with Penelope, maybe she just didn't want him around, bringing down her vibe. He knew he had been distracted all week, the date felt like a lot of pressure. Not only because this woman knew his best friend but also because he had so much to gain from it. It could be the first step in having something to come home to one day. Most of all, it would finally assure him that there was nothing wrong with him, at least nothing so wrong that he was unlovable.

It was hard for him to admit to himself, but with all his flaws, sometimes he wanted to give up. He thought he would never have somebody love him if he struggled so much just wading through the landmines in his own mind. He also thought he would never want to love somebody back, because if he truly loved them, why would he want to only ever be able to give them a heart that was already worn down? He just wanted to know that he really had moved past his issues, that he wasn't going to be stuck behind them forever. He needed the proof. He needed something normal that could validate that he had done the work and that he had fixed himself. He wondered if maybe that was just insecurity but he quickly realizes it was that the loneliness was too much to bear when he finally got through the fog. Maybe this girl wasn't the one but she was a decent place to start and he really wanted to start.

As he checks his phone again, he hears Matt comment about it. He wasn't aware how obvious he was being. He finds himself confiding in Matt about what he knew about her. All good things, things he should be looking for in someone. Things that made sense, things that would bring him solitude. He laughs at Matt's joke about her not being smart if she went out with him. He knew it was a joke, and honestly, sort of funny but that was his whole point, he needs to know not that she was a good catch, but that he was. He tells Matt how he's been thinking about her, this entire thing had been weighing on him for some time now and it seemed like this was probably the best step forward that could've been handed to him.

When she finally called him back, he was relieved, to say the least. So it wasn't him, it was a misunderstanding. It wasn't him, he wasn't scaring people away with his never married, never serious, PTSS having, ass. Emily had even profiled him early on, he didn't put down roots. Most men his age raised red flags for women when they heard that, they assumed he would never change. But that was the point, he already had changed, as a person he had changed. So what he needed was completely different than what he'd been having.

After they were finished with the extremely weird case, even for them, Luke was ecstatic to be getting back. The flight seemed to take forever, he planned on finishing his paperwork in record time. Maybe he should have let Garcia teach him how to type faster. He turned her down flat when she made fun of him and then told him she could at least give him pointers so he wasn't utterly hopeless. She said he would need it, of course she was right, she was always right. But he finds himself typing as fast as he can, anyway.

He had a date, a real date, a second date.

He finally understood why the rest of them felt such relief whenever they landed, why they would rush off as soon as their paperwork was done. They wanted to get home to someone. Even Reid had someone waiting in the form of his mother. Tara dated whenever she found the time, she liked coming home, she was probably excited to go out, live a little. That's why he would always stay behind until Penelope was ready to leave. She would never tell him she was ready to leave, no, she wouldn't tell him because that would be too easy. He usually had to guess based on what she said she had to get done and then he would pick a case to study or paperwork to do for one of the others, depending on how much time he had.

They both dedicated their time to the BAU. Neither had many hobbies, she did, but nothing that took up too much time. Even when she would counsel families it was only once a week and sometimes she couldn't even make it, depending on the case. So maybe they were both just like that. As he typed he wondered if that's why they got each other so well, they were both good at being alone. They were both good at their jobs and they enjoyed feeling useful. It felt good to know he made a difference, he knew Penelope felt that way too. He vaguely notices the team leaving, most of them giving him a polite goodbye. They did usually get their reports done before him but then again he never had motivation to leave. Tonight he did and he still couldn't get done as fast as the rest of them.

His mind shot back to Penelope, why didn't she date more? Why wasn't she the first one out of here every night? Maybe she was almost too happy alone. In the time he'd been on the team he never heard her despair about not having a date or about aging. That was him, he was the one scared he was going to go past his expiration date. She seemed like she had it all figured out, she had unwavering optimism, whatever she wanted would be hers. He wished he had that sort of confidence. She must know where to find the good ones, and she was just waiting until she wanted to snatch one of them up and marry them and probably dote on them constantly, because she was the type to never let a person forget that she loved them.

As he typed, he remembered her making the comment about the dating website last year. He pushed back from his computer in confusion, if she was so happy alone, why did she say that? She was right, she didn't need a dating website, whenever they went to O'Keefes he saw men ask her to dance or ask to buy her another drink. She rarely accepted and even when she did, she usually politely turned them down at the end of the night. So she must've just said that to be able to get the insult in of telling him she wouldn't want to be on any site that he knew. _That_ she would do.

He pulled himself back to the desk and resumed writing his report. But why did she always turn guys down? He remembered asking her about it and all she said was that she wouldn't leave her family for a random dude hitting on her. He never understood though, didn't she want to date? She would have so much to give, it didn't make much sense to him that she would want to be alone. He knew she wanted to get married one day, they'd all discussed settling down once, when the group had questioned him about his perpetual singleness. He had no idea what she was waiting for, someone would love her so much, adore her. It seemed like she really liked the idea of having someone in her life, he thought she actually wanted to have found someone already but her actions were the opposite of her words.

She stayed at work, never meeting anyone new, never going out to mingle unless it was with the team. She was as bad as he was. Maybe she had something she couldn't get over. Everything he knew about her past relationships seemed bland. They were placeholders. Much like the people he dated, his were short term and hers were long term. But still it made no sense, unless she never really trusted again, not after being shot. All those guys at the bar might scare her, she knew nothing of them. That's why her exes were safer choices because there was context behind them, she knew what they were about before dating them. There was comfort in safety, he could attest to that. He felt the sudden urge to tell her not to be scared, if he could get over his shit then surely she could. She was stronger than him, or at least more resilient. He finished his last entry and hit send. He decided to wait until a more appropriate time, he didn't want to go in her office and piss her off right after a case, not when she was finally going to get to go home and relax.

He was going to leave early anyway, he didn't want to make his date wait, what a terrible first - well, second impression. He threw his backpack over his shoulder and headed to the locker room to change shirts. He couldn't go on a date in the same shirt he wore to catch an unsub, it seemed like a bad sign. As he exited the locker room walking towards the elevator, he saw her standing alone in a daze. At least he wouldn't have to text her later to make sure she made it to her car. She must've really wanted away from this case. He sees her slumped shoulders, she wasn't holding herself the way she normally did, exhaustion and defeat were written all over her.

He approached, thinking about making a jibe about getting out more or about her taking a cruise to some secluded beach where she could pretend bad things didn't exist. But he could feel that she didn't need him to bother her. He can feel that she just didn't want to hear it. And he had no idea what she did want to hear, what she did need. Maybe she really did want to be left alone.

If any of the team thought she really needed someone, they wouldn't have left. JJ surely wouldn't have, because she already knew Garcia was having some problems. Apparently they weren't that big of a deal. She needed rest, she had been at the office most of the time they were gone. He had heard Emily tell Rossi that Anderson called and said Penelope hadn't left the office in days. Penelope was impressive that way, she was so dedicated. His mind filtered back to his previous thoughts, he can only imagine how dedicated she would be to someone that she loved.

He observed her veritable distraction as she entered, she didn't even see him. He startled her, he immediately gave a small apology. As the doors close and they began their descent, he asks her if she has plans, maybe if she told him that she was too upset and she just wanted to get some sleep he'd at least have an answer to his question. But instead she rambled off a generic list of things she'd put off while they were gone.

She wasn't going to confide in him, he had to admit, that stung. He would confide in her, he sort of already had. Maybe not in direct conversation, but he had opened up to her. Even though most of their conversations with the team around were still drenched in sarcasm, whenever they would end up alone on the elevator or walking to their cars or at the bar when the others dispersed or were too busy dancing, they would have real conversations. He thought maybe she would come to him. Just like he told her she could.

He knows she doesn't want anything to do with him right now, she was on the opposite wall from him. He watches her downcast eyes the entire time. He sees her slink off the elevator, he followed her the first few steps, just like always but she was not going to talk to him, she made that abundantly clear. Peeking at his watch, he knew he was going to be late anyway and if he wasn't welcome here then he might as well go. She could call him, she knew that, didn't she? And if not, she could call JJ, Derek, or really anyone, the team would move mountains for her.

He darted off to his car, and watches her fumble with her keys from a distance. He wanted to go to her, shake her, make her confide in him, trust him to be a part of what she is going through. He sees her bring her hand up to her eyes. Was she crying? He started his truck but he couldn't take his eyes off of her, what if something was really, really, wrong? He could call and cancel if he explained that he was needed elsewhere, he could cancel easily. The woman understood emergencies, she was a doctor. He pulled out his phone, about to make the call when he heard Penelope's car start. Looking over again, he can see her straighten up in her seat and pick up her phone. She was calling someone and it wasn't him. He shook his head, well at least she knew she shouldn't be alone.

He decided to leave, figuring he shouldn't rush her through her conversation, she knew he always waited for her to leave first. Besides he wasn't exactly going the same way, he had been planning on taking the long way around anyway, especially since he felt that if he did follow her part of the way home she would feel some comfort the way that it comforted him.

It didn't matter. He drove to the bar, a little anxious to see her again. To have a second date, a real one, one that wasn't about hooking up but about getting to know someone. He parked and pulled out his work phone to leave in the car. He decided to keep his personal cell on just in case another emergency came up. They would try his personal number after his work one and at least Penelope wouldn't have to do all that work to come find him and to possibly make fun of him on a date. He started across the street to the bar but he swiveled back around, even though they could find him, he wants to know he's not missing anything. There was nearly zero chance of them getting called back in, it would be highly irregular to call them back so quickly, that was saved for dire circumstances. But still, it could happen. The one time he turned off both of his phones for an hour, they needed him.

What if Penelope decided to call him, she would try his work cell first, out of habit. What if she thought he wasn't available, she wouldn't even bother with his other cell. He opened his car door and swiped his work phone screen, he went to the settings just like she'd taught him and set it to forward all communications to his other phone. He took a deep breath, that felt better, he needed to know he wasn't going to miss anything.

He looked around, seeing the woman there at a high top table, looking bored already. He was only a few minutes late, it wasn't that bad. He greets her with a smile, getting one in return as he jokes about the Roxie mixup. He told her it wasn't the first time, he explains how Penelope, whom she met, was the one to think Roxie was his girlfriend. He found it ironic how her words were the ones to mix someone else up this time. He sees the woman smile at him, seemingly finding his observation interesting enough. He orders a beer, and even though he sees that she had a vodka cranberry, she orders a beer just like him.

After a few more minutes of chatter, mostly about her days at work, she asks to play pool. He listens to her tell him that she can beat him easily, how her brothers taught her and she knew how to compete. He finds himself giving her a half-hearted smile, finding it interesting that she thought this was a thing to be proud of. Didn't everyone have family or friends that shaped who they were? Even if someone didn't have brothers, it didn't mean they couldn't play pool. Maybe she was taught to be tough, but he notes, JJ, Emily, and Tara were very tough and instead of bragging about it, they just were themselves.

They might joke, maybe some banter at the gun range or in the gym but it was light-hearted, this felt like she was trying to impress him because she was different than other women. But he had no problem with women, he didn't need her to be different than them. Every woman he knew was already different.

Of the four women on his team he could describe just how different and unique each of them were. Tara could spend her free time analyzing people and rebuilding cars. Emily was a force to be reckoned with, a mystery, brains, and independence. JJ was soft and nurturing one minute and then she was lifting weights the next. Penelope, well, she was kind, and loving, she was innocent sometimes, but yet she wasn't innocent at all. She was smart as all hell but she was also always asking questions as if everything was new to her, almost sweetly naive.

The woman in front of him starts talking about how she beat the guys in med school too and adds that none of the other women were even close to her ranking. He tilts his head and wonders why that was a good thing. He hears himself asking as much, when he poses the question, he sees her glance up, unsure of what to say. He's not sure what he wants her to say, if she says she didn't want other women to accomplish things, well, a grown woman who was that catty, he wouldn't want anything to do with her. But if she backtracked, it's almost like she was trying to shape herself into what she thinks he wants.

He realizes she ignores the real question and tells him she's competitive. His eyes land on her discerningly, that still didn't give him an answer because being competitive in itself wasn't bad, sometimes it made you better. When he would go to the gym with Matt, he always did more pushups than when he went alone. But if she only felt that women were her competition, and not anyone that was a peer, then it wasn't about making herself better it was about bringing other women down. That made no sense to him. None of the women he saw on a daily basis were like that, they were grown ups, and more than anything to do with age, they were just kind. Putting bad vibes out into the world wasn't going to get them anywhere.

He can practically feel Penelope rolling her eyes at this woman. And not because she was a woman but because she was kind of an asshole. He watches as she reaches behind her for her beer, he hears her say that she really likes chicken wings, beer, and watching football with the guys.

He shakes off the thoughts that formed in his head, he was new to this wasn't he? He was certain he shouldn't write someone off because weird comments on a date. He barely knew her and she was probably nervous just like he was.

When he asks about her favorite team, she explains that her brothers all rooted for different teams so she didn't have a favorite, she sort of hopes for the best when it comes down to playoffs. He understood, he liked sports casually, but he didn't have the time to be that invested in it all. He didn't much care one way or the other most of the time but he appreciated the athleticism. After he says this, she seems to decide she didn't care as much either, explaining it was more of a family thing.

He couldn't gauge her, she should be sure of herself, she was a doctor, she was a volunteer, she couldn't possibly be this wishy washy. But he remembers that accomplishments professionally didn't always equal accomplishments personally. Wasn't it him who just recognized how he had been good at his job for years but had nothing else?

He asks her if she wants wings since she was such a big fan, she says she'd share but he declines and apologizes. He berates himself for not thinking that through, maybe his date would want to have dinner together, but he explains that Emily ordered salads and wraps from a place she loved in the city, before they got on the plane. He tells her about how good it was and about JJ's health kick. If it was up to her, she would put carrot sticks in a baggie to give them all something to snack on while they were in the field. Not fueling up after a hard case would not fly with her.

He hears her laugh at his story but then she quickly asked who JJ was, if she was like Penelope or not. He didn't understand the question, so he decides to explain that the various members of the team each had their own contribution to make to everyone's well-being, that they gave and took. He hears her explain that she was a healthy person too, obviously, being a doctor and all. That she usually watched what she ate. He was losing at pool but he didn't think it was because of her skills, it was more because he was confused by their conversation.

He hates thinking this way, it felt like he was judging her but then again it seemed as if she was kind of judging everyone else, people that didn't even exist, just by thinking that who she was, was cooler than who other people were. He straightens up and walks around the table to take a swig of his beer.

He decides that he would actually answer the question she posed. He finds himself telling her how JJ was very maternal, she had a husband and two kids, that she was a health nut most of the time and how she loved a good round of sparring. When she did go to the bar she would play darts better than anyone he knew but then she would down a few long island ice teas and a plate of wings because somehow she stopped caring about health when there was ranch dressing involved.

Then he explains that Penelope didn't like any sort of confrontation, even the fake kind on gym mats. That she can't bare to eat any meat because she only thought of the poor piggies and cow's faces. How she thought beer was disgusting and that she only drank things with umbrellas or cherries in them or maybe salt on the rim. He finds himself explaining that she was a hacker, a really good one, the best, and not the best of the girls, just the best. He makes his point by informing her that those two women were best friends and how it didn't matter what they had in common or not, that they were accepted for who they were.

He's unaware how serious he must've seemed until he hears her apology. He lets his shoulders drop, he didn't realize how tense he was. He apologizes, explaining how he just didn't want her to think that he was expecting her to be something specific, he didn't care what she did or didn't like. He reminds her that she was the one who thought honesty was so important, she wasn't really lying but she was sort of hiding. He smiles as she admits to being nervous, that she liked him and that her ex had only liked her when she was easy-going.

He hears her go on about how she wasn't actually into sports but he never let her change the channel, how he thought it was hot when a girl could eat like a dude, as he called it, and didn't hide behind eating a salad. But how he would make a comment if he thought there was even a five pound difference in her weight. Luke nods, he knew the type, but that wasn't him. In fact, that wasn't any of his friends at all.

He chuckles, making her smile in relief. He realizes she didn't smile all that much so it was nice to see. He assures her that her ex wasn't the greatest if he expected her to conform to what he wanted but never compromise for her too. He tells her to eat whatever she wants, if she liked salad, he didn't care, if she only ate double cheeseburgers, that was up to her. Most of all, he informs her that it isn't bad to have things in common, but pretending to, wouldn't get them anywhere. He jokes that he wasn't going to magically start liking knitting, how could he ask someone else to like what he did.

He hears her laugh loudly, telling him that only grandmas like knitting. He furrows his brow, he knew that wasn't true, Penelope liked it, it soothed her. She was no one's grandma, he almost says as much but thought better of correcting something she meant as a joke. When she turns to tell him it was his turn, she gave him a flirty smile and what he assumed was her best impression of bedroom eyes, in a crowded bar. He feels a little taken aback, he thought that he would have to impress her a lot more before he got that signal. He had to admit, dating was going to have its perks. But he's not sure if she was just flirting or if she was indicating that she would like this date to end a lot differently than he assumed it would. He decides he didn't need to know just yet, they still had drinks to finish and another game to play.

As they play, he feels her brushing against him when she moves to take her shot. He couldn't help but smile, it was nice to be flirted with. But he was also a little frustrated, he had done the flings, mostly because it was all he could handle emotionally. She didn't seem like a fling kind of girl, she seemed like the kind of girl who settled down with a boyfriend. Which is what he was thinking might happen if things progressed.

He didn't know if he wanted to go home with her before he knew her better. Not because he was opposed to the physical thing but because he'd rather know whether he wanted to date her or not, before he gave her reason to think he would be around. If he had sex with her and then found out he truly didn't like her, he would be the asshole, and he didn't want that.

She excused herself to go to the bathroom, he sat down at their table, he glanced at the screen above the bar, chuckling at the fact that two of the teams she had mentioned were playing each other right now and she had no idea. He smirked, it was sort of funny, she was trying so hard, he thought it was sort of cute. He had no idea what he had been so worried about, they were both just trying to get by, trying to maybe find someone that wasn't awful, someone to have fun with and make memories with. Yeah, he was into this. He was already thinking of where they could go on their third date.

He pulled out his phone to check the time, he sees a lone text, he was sure as shit glad that he decided to make sure he kept it on. He smiles when he sees Penelope's name, he knew he looked like an idiot but he was ecstatic that she actually reached out to him like he had asked. Maybe she would actually trust him for once.

 _ **Luke, can I text you about something right now? I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something I promise it will only take a moment**_ _ **.**_

Her text sounded serious but he was dying to know what was wrong.

 _ **Good thing I learned to keep my phone on just in case. Go ahead, is this about why you were crying?**_

He sends the reply immediately then puts his phone back in his pocket, only to reach for it again and set it on the table. His companion for the evening returned, smiling at him and taking her seat and a sip of her own beer. He points with the bottle in his hand towards the screen, he's relieved she laughs and concedes it was sort of funny.

He has his phone in his hand, he finds himself feeling anxious, he keeps hitting the side button every few seconds, wondering what was taking so long. But if she was having an issue it was probably not a three word text. He almost excuses himself so he can call her. But he'd already had to leave his date high and dry before. He was not well-versed in dating etiquette but he assumed taking a phone call during a date probably wasn't the most polite.

When she asks if he wants another beer and offers to pay this time, he smiles and accepts, hoping she would actually order what she wanted. He could give her a ride home if it was a strong drink, he planned on stopping at two drinks either way. He watches her walk to the bar and speak to the barman. His eye darted to his phone, he can't help it, he felt nervous. He doesn't know if this date was making him nervous about a good night kiss or if he was really this concerned about his coworker, that he'd been on edge this whole time.

As he sets the phone down on the table he feels it buzz, vibrating against the wooden table top making him leap to pick it up. He swipes the screen eagerly, he begins smiling at the first sentence, he can hear her voice in his head, the rambling. But then his face falls. Was she serious? She was upset this whole time because of him, because he went on a date? A date? It made her cry. He re-reads the text thinking he must have misunderstood.

 _ **Yes. Listen, or read ha oh god, I even ramble in texts. Okay nevermind, what I need to say is this, I was crying because I was upset with you for going on a date. But I realize it's my own fault that I'm upset, not yours. You might not have feelings for me but I've got them for you and since you're a friend I hope you don't laugh at me. But that's the thing, hiding it was killing me. I'm super sorry I'm telling you now. It's stupid and wrong and I didn't want to text this of all the things I could do, but there it is. I can't keep making myself cry. So, I'm in love with you and it's okay that you don't feel the same. It'll pass. Don't worry. You don't need to say anything.**_

But the second time through he comes out with the same conclusion and feels his stomach rumble with nerves. She was in love with him? She had feelings? Feelings? Feelings.

What did that - since when? She was his friend, she didn't even - she wouldn't like him like that. She barely welcomed him in the BAU fold, and more than half the time she was annoyed by his presence. It was a love/hate - no it was a - what was it? Friendship. It was friendship it was always - it had become - well, no, because the rest of the team were his friends. Garcia was, well, she was Garcia. He stares at his phone, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do now. He's on a date, even though she was a little uneasy, she was for all intents and purposes, a nice woman that was interested in him. And he'd told her that he was free and single, which he was, had been for a long time. Right?

He was shaking his head, why did she have to tell him this now? She knew he was on a date, she knew he would get this text with his date probably sitting next to him. What could she possibly gain? But she wasn't like that, she didn't want to hurt someone, he remembers her closed off demeanor, her silence in the car, her sadness, the pain and her tears. Tears he apparently caused, inadvertently, but still he caused. He suddenly felt sick. He told her to come to him when she was crying, he didn't want to be the cause of those tears. In fact when he had seen her crying that first time, he had vowed to himself he would never make her cry like that and here he was breaking promises to himself.

The thought makes him pause, why had he made that vow to himself anyway? Why would he make a coworker cry? When JJ was upset and crying over the girl that died in the fire, he didn't vow to never make her cry. He tried to comfort her, tell her it was alright but he didn't vow not to make her cry, he didn't need to promise something that was irrelevant. She was a coworker, a friend, why would he need to? But he promised he wouldn't hurt Penelope.

He feels his hand holding the phone in an intense grip, keeping the screen lit with his fingers as he reads it over and over again. He hadn't noticed his date returning, she was sitting next to him, having pushed a new beer in front of him. After a few minutes she must have gotten annoyed, rightfully so, he feels her playfully nudge his elbow. He hears her question, asking if there was something wrong. He finally peers up at her, trying to make eye contact but his eyes couldn't focus. She was a foot in front of him but he couldn't see her. He almost wonders if that's what Penelope felt like when she took her glasses off to clean them, and then he closes his eyes, scoffing out a disbelieving laugh. Why did everything always come back to her?

That's all he ever did, wonder what the hell Penelope would do, was doing, would want to do. Damn it. Why now? Why now after all this time? Why when he was on a date, ready to move on with his life? Why, when he was trying to be normal and date, did she have to just - he shook his head, because of course she did. If she went on a date, if he ever saw her take one of those guys from the bar home, he wasn't sure he would've reacted very well. He would've wanted to make sure the guy wasn't - wasn't what?

He tries to blink as he stutters out a couple sounds, trying to explain to the woman in front of him that it wasn't an emergency text but it was still somehow life changing. He couldn't make words come out, so he reaches to scratch at his neck, then stares at the table top for a few moments. He lets the screen timeout on the phone. He doesn't know exactly what this meant for him, he didn't think it through yet. He didn't have the time, it felt like it was sprung on him and at the same time it felt like he should've known, did know. All he knew right now was that he needs, no, wants, to figure this out. He couldn't do that sitting across from a woman making flirty eyes at him who was now touching his elbow with her fingers and smiling at him. Phil might kill him, maybe this woman would send her brothers after him, but he couldn't do this, even if he has no idea what he needs, he couldn't do this.

Pulling his arm away made her hand fall. He grabs his coat from the back of his chair, putting it on, he holds his phone up. He's standing next to the table trying to explain that he needs to go, she was doubting him, he could see it. He decides trying to be nice by not telling her the truth was not a good move. She valued honesty after all, he knew he didn't need to tell the whole story but he had to let her know that he wasn't going to see her again.

He breathes deeply and tells her that he shouldn't have been there in the first place, that he was not sure he was as free as he thought he was. He's stammering out an apology but she stops him, with a scowl on her face. When she poses the question about why he'd bothered to take her out at all, let alone twice, he doesn't know the answer. Trying to find the words, he tells her that he's not sure, he hadn't realized that he had something going on. As her scowl deepens, he hears her ask him in a low voice why he said he hadn't dated in a long time if he had. He sighs, telling her he had, in fact, not dated, which is why he didn't really see this coming.

He knows there's a hopeless look on his face, he wants to run out of there but he was trying to be cordial, since this woman had done nothing wrong. As her eyes narrow, he hears her ask the question she says she hadn't bothered to ask before because she thought it was just too on the nose. If this has to do with Penelope. The shock on his face was the only answer she needed apparently, because she hastily grabs her coat and purse before stomping past him.

He can feel his eyes rolling, he didn't really blame her, but it was a little bit irrelevant for her to make a dramatic exit since it was only courtesy that had kept him standing there. He would've happily departed first. He followed her path, not because he ever wanted to speak to her again but because it was the only damn way out. When he pushed through the door she just went through, she turned around, and made the comment that let him know, no matter what, _this_ was not the girl. He hears her ask if he was color blind or if he just wore sunglasses whenever he was with Penelope because the woman she met was so _colorful._ His eyes narrow when he hears her spit out the word he originally thought was sweet, she was waiting for the fight, she wanted it. She wanted the satisfaction, he could tell it would make her feel better if she pissed him off. It would make her feel like she mattered enough to accomplish that.

So he takes a few steps towards her, she was tall, and with her heels she was near enough to his height but still a couple inches down. He lets his head tilt towards her face before telling her that if she felt bland she didn't to insult somebody that shined. He tells her that she should work on her kindness because maybe if she did, she might be bright one day too. Then he leaves her on the sidewalk outside of the pub staring daggers at his back but he can't manage to care. It didn't matter, she was insignificant and if Phil yelled at him, so fucking be it, because Phil didn't have to listen to her insult the woman he - a woman that he cared about.

He got in his car absolutely positive that dating really could be as bad as they said it was. He peeled out of the parking lot and hopped on the highway to her house. What in the fuck was she thinking? This cannot be the best way she could've told him this. Why not tell him before? Why not when he asked her if she was okay at least ten times over the past week?

For that matter, how the hell could she be in love with him, she barely let him near her, even now. That wasn't strictly true, he was with her quite often despite her not being in the field.

Whatever. He was usually the one to piss her off, but you know what, she pissed _him_ off this time. She didn't even think she should call him? Maybe he deserved to hear that she loved him for the first time from her own lips. He wouldn't mind watching her lips while she let those words tumble out of her mouth.

He shook his head at himself, he was going way past the speed limit, not a good idea at this time of night. He knew how pissed she'd be if he got in an accident because he was driving too fast to come yell at her. He slowed down. She was only a ten minute drive anyway. He turned on the radio and then turned it off ten seconds later. He needed to think, but he couldn't think.

What the hell did she mean? He knew what she meant, she was pretty clear. It was plain English. It was straightforward, but that's what pissed him off, she was obviously capable of that so why the hell didn't she say it before?

Why wouldn't she just tell him? What would she have had to lose? Well, she could lose him as a friend, at least that's probably what she told herself. Or she thought maybe she'd lose her pride. It didn't matter, she could've told him. Couldn't she? Was he just not the type of person other people could confide in?

Damn it, why was this happening? It didn't make sense, he didn't understand why now. Except he sort of did, he went on a date, something he hadn't done since he'd known her. If she thought he'd always be around and then suddenly- well, he wasn't then - but-

He hit his hands on the steering wheel because on what planet doesn't she tell him before? He didn't date, he wasn't dating, she knew he was available. A lot of his free time was spent with her in some capacity, so what the fuck? She could have given him a sign, a signal, a banner hung over his driveway, maybe pinned a note to Roxy's collar. Anything. _Anything_.

Now they were here, he was racing to her house at midnight, trying to sort out the entire scope of his feelings in the span of a few minutes because that's what she left him with.

She at least had time, time to figure this all out. But that made him pause, if she had time then why didn't he know before? He knew it was a choice not to profile her but still if it was this big, if this much was going on, shouldn't he have known? Was he that blind to it? Or was she that scared of it that she finally found a way to keep a secret? What was so terrifying about him? She didn't want to be in love with him?

He shook his head again, thinking about the text, it sounded like she wanted it to be over, like she wanted to forget that she loved him. But how could he forget when he just found out? Did the others know? Is that why they were giving him odd glances on the way home? He just thought they were tired. And he was distracted. But if they all knew they must've known before this week, why didn't anyone say anything? Did they think he knew and was avoiding it? He wouldn't do that, he wouldn't do that to her, he wouldn't hurt her on purpose he'd sworn not to. He wouldn't hurt someone that he lov-

He almost missed the exit as he came to the realization that he was actually in love with her too. How the hell did he not see that? Guess that explains why he didn't know what she felt. He couldn't even see himself when it came to this situation. No wonder she was a mystery, he couldn't see through her because all he could see _was_ _her_. Damn it. All he ever saw for the past two years had been her.

He was blind. Now he realized just how terrible at dating he really was, he'd practically been dating her for two years and he didn't even have it established that they were anything other than coworkers. Well that was stupid.

It made him angrier, angry at himself, angry at the others, angry at his damn PTSS and angriest of all with her. If she loved him, truly loved him, she had to know he wasn't the type to judge her, to laugh at her, to not take her seriously, to run away if she told him something he didn't want to hear. The proof was right here, right here as he parked and walked up to her apartment. He most decidedly did not want to hear this tonight. He wanted to have a simple date with a simple girl. He wanted to dip a toe in the water and see if it was warm, he wanted to slowly ease into being with someone. Learning to love, even when he struggled to love himself sometimes. He wanted to practice, to figure it out. He could've dated that woman for months, a year or two, gotten some practice, made some mistakes, learned along the way. He laughed as he hit the last stair, that sounded terrible. Did he want to use her for target practice or date her?

At this point he knew, he knew that whatever chance he had to casually date like a normal person was out the fucking window. He couldn't mess up now, he would have to get this right because he refused to lose Penelope.

He knocked on her door and as he waits he let the rage build. She gave him no choice, he couldn't say no to her, she must've known that. He'd be grateful one day, maybe even tomorrow, that he was the lucky guy who would have someone so good, in love with him. But tonight? Tonight he was livid.

He knocked again louder, she couldn't be asleep, she sent that text less than an hour ago. That wasn't the kind of thing you sent and then went to sleep like a baby after. You paced the floor like a crazy person, waiting for an answer, you weren't sure you'd get. At least that's what he assumed. Wasn't love mad after all?

He knocked again, ready to kick the door in if necessary. But he figured he could attempt to just call her first, she could have headphones on or be in the shower. But damn it, he was going to talk to her and he was talking to her about this now. He wasn't sure he even wanted to see her but he was also certain he wouldn't be able to breathe until he did.

She gave him no option it was all or nothing and he knew it. Why couldn't she just flirt with him a little, throw him a bone, let him do a little chasing. Take her out, just the two of them, on purpose. Take it slow, ease into her. Talk about what a change in their relationship would mean. Figure out how to handle it within the team.

As he heard footsteps on the other side of the door, he huffed, all he'd ever done was chase her. Case in point, here he was at her door, he left a girl, who wanted to take him to bed, at a bar, without a second thought. Just so he could see Penelope's face when he asked her what the hell she was thinking. It'd been two years and he hadn't even kissed the woman and yet he was here at her door, eager for her to open it just so he could yell at her. Yup. She'd actually left him breadcrumbs but she made him walk through the trees, swim the harbor, go over a sand dune, and down a mountain before she lead him to his prize. Yup. He'd been chasing her the whole time and she was so good that he hadn't even realized it.

The door opened and he heard her words, he scowled as soon as he saw her t-shirt. Only a shirt and she wasn't expecting him? She was expecting someone else. Maybe the chase wasn't even over yet.

* * *

I'm fairly certain you want to know what happens next, I get it. However, it turned into SMUT, like, _absolute smut_. The next part is almost entirely dirty smut. So I'm not sure that's the resolution we're looking for with what started as an emotional one-shot about unrequited love. I can try to take it a different direction, but as you know there was no plan here. So for this story in particular, your opinions are especially welcome.


	3. Out of the Fog

I know this update was a long time coming. I had it written fairly quickly but I just could never decide if it was the right approach but it's the only thing that ever came to me. It's very different from where this begins. And is written in a more normal tone.

 **Warning:** **There is smut. _So much smut_. It's slightly sub/dom **

**Please be aware and don't read if that's not for you**

* * *

"You're expecting Derek? Wearing that? At this time? Was this a joke?" Luke held up his phone, indicating her text.

Her eyes are wide as she tries to comprehend the questions, and the man staring at her through her open door. She blinks and finds her courage again. She was Penelope Garcia and she wasn't a withering willow, she was a damn force to be reckoned with. She'd forgotten that somewhere along the road. The road where Luke had made her want to be vulnerable. Penelope knew that vulnerability could be a good thing but she'd been going about it the wrong way.

"The whole gang was already here, the only one to not check on me yet was Derek, so I just assumed. Also, I did have more clothes on earlier. But that was not a joke." She pointed to his hand where his phone was still on display.

He didn't move. His face perplexed, and his breathing rapid, but she couldn't figure out why. "Why were they here? What happened, that you needed checking on? Did you hurt yourself?"

Now who was the coward dancing around the giant elephant in the room, "Yes." She answered honestly, but as she saw his eyes turn to real concern and dart over her body, searching for the wound, she held up her hand to get his attention back, "Not physically. They all knew. Knew how I felt. Everyone knows except you, apparently. They were all here when I got home and they comforted me because they knew my heart was breaking. But yes, I did that to myself. I'm sorry for the bad timing, you didn't need to come check on me. You are more than welcome to go back to your date, you've got every right to do so. You only belonged to me in my head, I'm fully aware of that." She wasn't shying away from this, not now. There was nothing to lose, no embarrassment that could wash over her that was any worse than what she'd let happen to her already.

She waited there, looking at him. He was only slightly blurry without her glasses on, because he was right in front of her. Filling the doorway, he had his arm up, leaning on it with a menacing look. But she didn't know what she was supposed to do, turn around and let him in? First of all, he'd see her ass. Or did she just shut the door? Should she ask him what he was doing there? Reassure him that it was okay to leave? Assure him she was okay?

"Uh, look I don't know what I'm supposed to do, invite you in? You're welcome, but you don't have to. You can leave, I'm fine. Well, I'm better. You don't need to say anything. You don't have to fix this. I'm pretty sure only time can do that. That, and a harsh dose of reality." For the first time in a week she sounded like herself. Which made her stand up taller, and not drop his gaze in fear.

He kept staring at her, his face unchanging, as if he was frozen. His arm still up on the door jamb, leaning on it as if it could hold the weight of his frustration as he inspected her.

She was about to open her mouth again and tell him that she was happy to stand in the doorway with him all night if that's what he needed but could she at least grab her sweats for the draft, he silenced her with the hand still holding his phone, "You tell me this now? Now, why now?" He was fuming mad and for once she didn't give a flying fuck if he hated her. Inconvenient sure, but at least he wasn't utterly shattered and gutted like an animal.

"I didn't mean to do something unfair. I hadn't meant to be a coward. I understand the timing Luke, but I had to, because it was slowly killing me and I want to be okay again." She'd given the attitude right back. She might love him but she was feeling brave and almost bulletproof. What could possibly hurt anymore?

He continued his silent stare. She let her hip pop out as she decided he was being super weird, and she was getting tired of standing in the same spot. Another few moments passed and she shook her head before she turned on her heel, walking away without a second glance, "Alright Alvez, you own that doorway for as long as you want to, but lock it on your way out. I'm not standing there all night long. I'm going back to bed. I might love you but I don't fucking like you that much." She hit the light in her hallway, blanketing the room in darkness and crawled back into her bed.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. He didn't really want to argue, or actually, maybe he did. He wanted to be mad at her, no, he was mad at her. But he unfortunately, also had an erection now because of her, almost see-through, lace panties and the shirt that barely came over her upper thigh. They needed to talk though. Didn't they? Isn't that what he came for? To make her explain herself. But that was the point, he already knew. Now that the floodgates were open, he could see it all. He could see how she felt and he could damn well see how he felt. It seemed as if words alone couldn't do it justice. The logistics of it needed to be worked out but - Damn, he needed to stay. He knew that much. He was staying here tonight, what they were going to be doing with that time, he wasn't sure yet.

She could see the light still streaming in from the open door around the corner, she rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of it all and wondered briefly if he was just too weird anyway. Maybe she'd dodged a bullet, in the end. She smirked, burrowing down into the comforter again. Another minute passed and then another. She glanced at her phone on the nightstand again, the annoying man she'd met two years ago was still annoying. Finally she heard the creaking of the door closing. She hit the side button on her phone, the man had stood there another seven minutes after she'd got back in bed. Penelope knew she wasn't going to fall asleep with him in her open door but she was curled up, with her hand under her pillow the whole time so at least she was comfy. Still wide awake though.

She blew out a breath, snuggling her pillow closer. She'd pissed him off. Well that should help with the moving on mumbo jumbo. He didn't have to get so damn mad, she didn't mean to make him deal with something he didn't even want to know. She was going to close her eyes but she heard a noise from the hall. She froze, Luke was either in her house or she had the most well-timed burglar in the history of ever, arriving just after the FBI agent left, and in that case, kudos to the thief. She laid still but kept her eyes trained on the door. Only the moonlight illuminating the room, coming in through curtains she hadn't bothered to close when nothing else seemed to matter just hours ago.

He appeared in her doorway. At least this time it was a doorway inside the house and all her heating wasn't warming the hallway. She liked her neighbors but not that much. He took up the same position just at a different entrance. She stared at him for a moment, she could see that he was staring back, the moonlight reflected off of his eyes. She knew he could tell she was looking at him but she was on her side and her face was most certainly shadowed. She wanted to laugh at him but she didn't think that would accomplish much, then again maybe humor was the cure she needed, that they needed. She didn't know what the hell he was doing. Luke was a nice guy and he had to care about his friend's feelings. Or maybe he was contemplating her murder since he did have to leave his date to come clarify a text.

"Are you going to murder me, because if you are, can you please let me change first? Of all the bad crime scenes I've seen, I'd at least like to go out in style." She wasn't fully joking. She wasn't even trying to lighten the mood but she'd opened the floodgates of honesty and well, that's what her mind wanted to say. "I honestly don't know what you want me to say. I'm sorry, Alvez. I know my feelings are inconvenient but look on the bright side, I'm the only one who has to be embarrassed. Literally everybody knows. Apparently I'm painfully obvious. No one knows what you think. They all have educated guesses. It was infuriatingly obvious Matt didn't want to say as much as he knew. But he wouldn't stray from your side. Not that we have sides. No sides. My inconvenient heart wouldn't do that to our family. But it doesn't matter what anyone says. Apparently they all knew I'd be on my knees, crying, but they can't even tell if you - ugh, nevermind. The point is, there is nothing you need to do. Seriously Alvez, it's not your problem, it's mine. I let my mind get carried away and I'm not mad at anybody but myself."

He was still silently staring. Sergio walked past him into the bedroom, obviously ready to start his after midnight session of search and seize. He loudly meowed, causing Penelope to laugh. At least one man in this house had something to say. She curled into the pillow more and held onto it, still gazing towards Luke.

She was babbling, apologizing, but not really sorry. She thought this wasn't his problem? Ha! Like he would let her deal with a broken heart on her own, even if it was just in the capacity of a friend. Well, now he knew what the team was thinking, they didn't want to betray her trust, and they were unsure of what he was feeling at all. But then again, he didn't know either. He wished that he knew, he wished that he was just as unsure as her this whole time because then maybe someone, anyone, probably Matt, would've said, _hey dumbass, go get her_.

Standing here, watching her as she laid in bed, her face shadowed and her legs covered, he imagined he wouldn't have minded being with her every night for the past two years. He wouldn't mind being with her for the next two and probably every one after that. He wasn't going to be a temporary kind of guy when it came to this. Everything in his life was temporary but he was going to make sure when he finally did love, it would be permanent. He was never going to get to fall in love with anyone else, he was never truly going to know a broken heart. Briefly, he thought that was a nice compromise for the broken mind he'd been saddled with. For all those experiences that he was going to be denied, he was going to get her in return. Her, a woman who most definitely would love him fiercely, just as ferociously as he would love her.

She let him waste so much time. She was too scared he'd hurt her and then she'd let him hurt her anyway. He was furious. They could've had this long ago. Why on earth wouldn't she have told him? Did she really think so little of him? No, none of that. He was going around in circles again and he knew it. But his anger wouldn't dissipate. Maybe he was actually just mad at himself. This whole thing was so sudden and yet had been happening forever. He couldn't deal with the information overload, all he knew was that he was in love with her and that it was painful. It sat in his chest heavily. But now, it felt like the only damn thing keeping him grounded.

He wanted to calm himself and talk to her rationally, that's what he was supposed to do. But what would they talk about anyway; what they would do with the team? They already knew, neither of them would compromise the team if it came down to it. The future? That was simple, he'd do whatever she wanted. Where they were going to live? That was easy, she would move in with him since his place was bigger. Were they together? Yes, because they should've never been apart. Is that what she really wanted? It was the only question he wasn't sure about so he stood there wishing the answer would come to him.

She let him stay in his own world for a couple minutes. She hit the button on her phone once more, checking how long he'd been in this doorway. The man had stamina, she'd give him that. But she was too high off of releasing her burden and while she wondered what in sam hill he was pondering, she wasn't tripping through the fog in her own mind anymore.

"I'm wide awake so I don't mind this, plus Sergio will be up for at least a half hour destroying my belongings. So if you're going to stand up all night, I'm totally cool with that. But like, you have to sleep eventually, right? I can reassure you about our friendship, is that what you want? If that's what you're worried about, honestly I don't know how that's going to work. I won't be catty or anything. I did that when I was trying to pretend I didn't like you. Now I don't have to do shit so I'll be nice or whatever. I can't promise I'll hang out with the group, yeah of course, but not alone. Definitely not to see Phil. God, I'd die. Phil, the guy who set you up _and_ the girl? Kill me. Like I said I don't want the group to suffer, so I will be just normal Garcia on group outings. Unless it's one of the, bring your spouse along outings, then I'm just gonna stay home. I'm a nice girl but I'm not a saint and I'd much like to avoid becoming a masochist. Although, maybe I already am. Meh, whatever. So if that's what you're all pissy about, let it go Alvez. Not. Your. Problem. I'm not going to act insane. This whole thing's probably on the decline anyway. Ugh, your attitude when I came to get you, like, spare me. You're the asshole who turned off your phone and I'm the asshole who has to round all of you up. I don't choose when people go bat shit crazy. You're on a date, and this is my fault? So yeah, as a friend I'll say that was not pleasant. Maybe you're not as perfect as I thought, ha. You do realize that having a captive audience is like an aphrodisiac - shit that's a bad choice of words, like a wet dream - wait, that's worse, okay it's like a dream scenario? Whatever. I want to flesh out what color to paint my new walls, whether or not I should grow my hair out, or possibly dye it again. I did red before, it was like a deep red. I also need to figure out what to do with vacation besides just visit Derek. I love all three of them but intruding on the perfect little family gets old. I also want to figure out if I should move my furniture around, or if I shouldn't bother, since I want to move soon, or have to move soon, I guess. And you know when I say talk it out, I mean I can talk all night and get my answers without you saying anything. Okay, so about my hair-"

She stopped when he finally moved, taking the few strides toward the bed in the small room. He still said nothing, he was closer but still a couple feet away, chillingly silent.

He barely heard a word she was uttering after she'd said that it wasn't his problem again. She _was_ his problem, she was always going to be. He wondered if that's what she wanted, to get over it. No, he knew her better than that. He knew her better than that this whole time. He was too dense to see it. He realized he was ready to come home to someone because he found who he could come home to. He felt like he finally belonged because he already belonged to her. She didn't date or go home with guys at the bar because she was waiting for him. And he had been waiting for her, he just didn't know it. So if she was going to love him then she was going to see him when he was livid. Fuck it. She needed to know how he was, how he liked control, how it gave him clarity. She got to decide when the truth between them was finally brought to light, fine. But everything else was going to be his choice. She acted tough, and she was. She acted like she wouldn't be pushed around, and she wouldn't. Not in the world, not at work, not even on the dating scene. But here, when she was with him, she wasn't in charge anymore and she was going to love it.

She rolled her eyes and laid on her back, "Doh'kay, so red is a good color on me but I've already done it, but that means I know I can rock it. And what other color would I do? Streaks of blue and pink are one thing but the whole thing? C'mon. I already did the goth thing, the black lipstick to match the black hair was not my best look. Then there's brown, a natural color sure, but natural on me? And what abou-"

He reached over and pulled the covers down, startling her into silence. "Just shut up Penelope.

Just shut the fuck up." He grabbed her legs and brought her ass to the edge of the bed.

"Luke, what the fuck?" She sounded upset, but her brain actually didn't process his actions at all.

"Shut up, Penelope. I told you to shut up." He chucked his coat, letting it land on the ground. "You want to fucking tell me this now? You wait until I date for the first time in years to tell me this. To - God, you're infuriating." He was an octave below screaming at her.

She propped herself up on her elbows, "Well excuse me! I'm sorry my feelings don't happen on your schedule."

"You're an asshole."

"So are you."

He growled at her, so she growled back and then Sergio hissed. Luke pulled his sweater over his head. And that was when she finally figured out, he didn't just walk over to intimidate her or yell at her, which she might've deserved. He came to- "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

He placed his palms on the bed on either side of her, leaning into her face menacingly, "I'm sorry, do you need me to explain the basics to you?"

"Fuck you."

"Yeah, exactly."

"When I said what I said, I didn't mean to come have a one night stand, you absolute ass hat." She pushed off her elbows to get close to his face trying to be as intimidating as he'd been.

"Yeah, Penelope, I fucking understand that don't I? But I don't feel like talking about your fucking feelings right now because you had forever to tell me and I never quite knew when or what to take seriously. Now I do know, but we can discuss that shit later. Later, when I'm not so fucking furious at you." He started unbuttoning his pants.

She watched his fingers, but the anger never left her, "So what? You think you can just do me and worry about everything that might matter a whole fucking lot, later? Does that sound like good idea to you?"

He kicked off his shoes and socks and started pushing his pants down, "What about confessing your fucking feelings when somebody decides to start living their life again? Did you ever think if you'd have said this before, that maybe I'd have already started living again? That maybe I'd have fucking seen the light, oh I don't know, last year or some shit."

"So what, it's my responsibility to save you? I'm supposed to know you'd be receptive to me falling head over heels in love with you when I'm not fucking sure you even see me? Are you for real?"

"Yeah Penelope, I fucking see you. You're fucking hard to miss when you come barreling into my personal life with a fucking vengeance." He reached to her hips and pulled at her underwear.

"Tell me Luke, tell me it would've been better if I'd said nothing. We can pretend if you want to, I won't tell anybody. Go on, say it." She growled at him.

"You know I fucking can't, because now all I can see is you." He picked up her legs to force the panties down because she refused to lift up.

The scowl on his face made her even angrier. "Who the fuck are you getting mad at? I was the one in pain this past week. Fuck you."

"Yeah, but mine was unintentional. You're ill-conceived timing was just bullshit." He put his hands on the hem of her shirt.

"Like. I. Said. Leave. If you want to pretend this didn't happen, fine. Delete the text. Don't you ever dare say you're here for any other reason than you want to be. Don't you ever fucking dare say that." She growled through clenched teeth.

"Believe me, I'm fully aware this is where I want to be even though I'm so fucking angry at you." He attempted to lift the shirt and she still wasn't going to help him, "Penelope, take this off!" He was in her face, intimidating her like she was an unsub.

"Fucking make me."

"Fine." He got on the bed and pushed her back, manhandling her, pinning one arm and half ripping the old t-shirt as he pinned the other arm, pulling it off before getting off the bed and throwing the shirt to the side.

"You ripped my shirt, you ass. You're buying me a new one." She felt like she'd lost her menacing edge when Luke was staring at her, completely naked.

"Fuck you, buy your own damn shirt."

"I don't fucking like you."

"Good. Because I love you too but I don't fucking like you either. I don't want to kiss you because I don't fucking like you enough."

"Good, because I don't want to fucking kiss you. You crazy fucking weirdo, silently stalking me in my doorway because he doesn't know if he's angry or scared or if he even has feelings like a real boy."

"Didn't I tell you to shut up."

"Make me."

"Fine." He pulled her body off the bed and pushed her to her knees.

She almost gasped but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction. He put his dick to her lips and she instinctively opened them. He smirked at her and she was ready to say something else but he put his hand in her hair and he saw her eyes go wild with lust. "Don't do it if you don't want to but we both know you want to."

"Yeah but you want me to do it. You want to feel my lips on you. You want to know what it feels like to have these lips wrapped around you, these lips that say all the things that piss you off. You want that." She said smugly.

He turned his head, cracking his neck, "Yeah, you're fucking right. I do."

After he admitted that, she took him in her mouth and swirled her tongue around and brought a hand up to his balls as she took him further in, letting her saliva make him wet. His hand was gripping her hair roughly as he let out a moan that was also still a growl.

"Fuck, Penelope."

She pulled back, "Yeah, you've made that clear."

He let out an exasperated groan, roughly pulling her up, turning her around and pushing her face down into the bed. He made no attempt to be gentle. He pushed into her easily, he smirked at how wet she was, "How badly did you want this Penelope? Huh? How fucking bad?" He was pulsing into her furiously.

He kicked her legs further apart so he could angle her better. He put one hand in the middle of her back, pushing her down and then as he heard her moaning pick up, he smacked her ass as close to where he was gliding in and out of her as possible. He felt the renewed wetness, "Yeah, that makes sense, of course that's what you want. You need to be told what to do."

She bit the comforter, half in pleasure, half in pure rage, "I like having control." She picked her head up to yell at him.

"Yeah, but you don't like be in charge." He countered.

She put her forehead back to the comforter, the man had a point. "God."

"Is that my new nickname because I think I liked sir better. We might even let you graduate to papi soon."

"Gah, fuck you." But it was the first thing she'd said that wasn't laced with anger as much as desire. She was going to come and she was going to come hard. He was going to make sure of it.

"You're going to come and when you do, you're going to remember that it was me who made you come. Me, Luke Alvez. Me, Newbie. Me. It was me. I'm the one whose dick is fucking you and you're going to remember that."

"Yes sir." She barely breathed out.

He scoffed in dominance, and brought his hand back as close to the center of her ass as he could and gave it a hard smack again. "Do it Baby, come for me."

And she did, she felt her body seize up and her scream escape her lips, "Yes, Luke."

She moaned as she felt the liquid squirting out of her, the best orgasm of her life. She'd call him whatever he wanted and he was right, she knew exactly who'd done it to her which was all the more exhilarating. "God, I fucking love you."

The gush of liquid, the force of her orgasm, the words falling off of her lips. The lips he'd been inside of moments before, and the fact that he'd fallen in love with Penelope Garcia, the snarky girl who he'd just made come, giving into him just like he never knew he always wanted, made him come with the loudest groan he'd ever heard escape his mouth, "Fuck, I love you." He panted out as he came inside of her with a force he never knew he had.

After he was done he leaned over on top of her, she was still laying face first on the bed. He covered her shorter body with his, letting his lips move down her back, not placing full kisses as much as letting his open lips trail down her skin. His hand tangled in her hair.

"God damn it. What the hell did you do to me?" He put his forehead on her back.

She turned her head to the side, "This is somehow my fault again?" Her breath still shaky.

"Shut up." He breathed out.

"Make me."

He finally let out a resigned chuckle, "I will, at least a few more times. Just give me a minute."

He stood up and she pushed up on her hands to stand up as well. He was still inside of her and even though she didn't want him to move she knew he had to. He pulled out of her slowly. Instantly she felt hollow and he felt the chill of not being inside of her warm body anymore. Neither wanting to admit just how much they had just figured out that they needed the other. That was for another time, a time when they were talking like real humans again.

She felt him on her inner thighs, "I can feel you dripping down my legs."

He groaned and put his forehead against her shoulder, "God, do you ever stop?"

"Do you ever want me to?" Her eyes danced in amusement.

He smiled and picked up his head, "We're both doomed."

"Fuck it, I'll enjoy the fall."

For the first time he wrapped his arms around her, "This is insane," he said softly. "You make me insane. I was on a date, and now I'm here telling you that I love you. How does that make sense?"

"It doesn't need to make sense, Luke. Love is insanity. I spent the past few days in a trance, sure that I was crazy, that I made it all up. But here we are."

He spun her around to face him, their eyes connecting and confirming what they already knew, "I don't know what happened. I don't think I'll ever be able to explain it. I was standing there for so long because I didn't know what we should do. I couldn't figure it out, it was like I couldn't remember what had happened. I locked it away, or I was hiding or I didn't realize it. I don't know, but you telling me, that made me - all I know is something changed, a switch flipped on."

She smiled at him, coming back to her more normal personality. They'd made each other so mad. Crazy with lust. Over the moon with it. The passion they held for one another was a force to be reckoned with and she planned on making sure it was a little more truthful and productive and less angry. Although, angry worked pretty well for them.

"Do you like me enough to kiss me yet?" she purred.

He brought his hands to her breasts, playing with them, excited by them and all the things he could do with them before looking back to her face, "No Penelope, I fucking love you." He brought his mouth to hers and kissed her so passionately so intimately so forcefully so expertly that she didn't even realize it was a first kiss. It was transcendent.

She knew she was damn well screwed.

"Let's lose some sleep tonight." He pushed her back on the bed, ready for round two to begin.

"Open your legs, touch yourself." His voice brooked no argument.

She bit her lip, he really wanted that? She thought that was for dirty videos, for show, but that's what he wanted, a show. She knew she'd do anything for him, to him. She just didn't know he wasn't going to work up to it.

"Penelope, we're skipping a few steps. Call it making up for lost time. Call it starting off hot and heavy and not being able to scale it back. Call it whatever. But an hour ago I didn't know I was in love with you, so fuck off, if you think I'm going to be nice about this. Now touch yourself."

Her eyes flared at the blatant order. His reasoning was hard to argue against. "So this is punishment?" She scoffed but she bent her knees and let them fall open.

"Is it?" He wasn't waiting for an answer as he stared at her glistening folds. "Do it, Penelope." His voice was filled with anger once again and she figured out that they would eventually be super mushy and gross and in love but they had a couple years of frustration and an inconvenient and immediate relationship to work out first. She brought her hand to her center and started rubbing her clit with two fingers.

She let out a moan, she'd had a vaginal orgasm already but her clit hadn't even been touched yet. Come to think of it neither had her breasts. Really they hadn't even kissed much but they kissed hard and that was more than enough to satisfy her.

"Dip your fingers inside yourself and get me all over your hands then you can rub your clit with it." She hated and loved that he knew exactly what he wanted and was going to be in charge. He was gaining some ground back. He felt railroaded by her confession. He couldn't be blind anymore and she decided that for him. He would've been happy to date that girl for a while maybe it would've been serious, she was a compatible match. But then his infuriating friend said something that couldn't be put on the back burner long enough for him to sort out his life and feelings. Long enough to have some fun first and then come to the same conclusion that she'd been contemplating for so long. So he was going to gain back his footing in one way or another.

Her legs started shaking as she spread him all over her and continued to rub. "You're going to come again and I'm going to watch it happen. You're going to do whatever I tell you to do until I'm completely satisfied. Until I don't feel like you just decided on the rest of my life without consulting me. Because I love you and I can't go back, and you and I are not going to break up. As soon as you bat your eyes at me and ask for a ring, you and I both know I'll give it to you. So you're going to make it up to me that I didn't get a choice in the matter. That I wasn't allowed to ask you out, figure it the fuck out for myself."

She actually understood his point. It's how she felt when this emotion rammed into her, she felt betrayed. She remembered being so broken just a few hours ago. If she could've just fucked him until everything was better, she would have. She rubbed faster as she felt the orgasm building and her center getting soaked again, "What do you want me to say?"

He smirked but it still had annoyance and anger behind it, "Good, you're listening. Tell me you wanted me to fuck you every time you gave me a hard time. Every time you tried to embarrass me, tell me you'd rather I pulled your dress up and fucked you until you couldn't speak."

She was panting, "Yes, yes I wanted that. You could've had me. Anytime."

"And that's what's going to happen for the rest of your life. You'll do what I say, when I say it because you fucking want to. Now come." And she did, she was happy her body and mind were in sync about not disobeying so early on.

When her orgasm was over, she could feel her legs trembling and another rush of fluid. She called him sir again and he growled. He could see her folds get a renewed coat of moisture.

"Good, now I'm going to fuck your tits because even when I thought it was a terrible idea to even think about dating you, I still thought about this." He positioned himself over her as he was speaking.

She nodded, coming down from her high, focusing on his words that turned her on more than she liked. "Yes sir." She put her hands on the sides of each breast and pushed them together.

"Don't ever forget that, Baby don't ever forget that when you think about teasing me at work, that you actually would rather be doing this." He pushed his cock in between her ample chest, moaning at the sensation of her soft skin surrounding him. He paid rapt attention to her fingers on her hardened nipples as she held each mound.

He lightly slapped at her chest, wanting to roughly grab one of her breasts and squeeze but not wanting to lose his sensation yet. He watched himself slide against her body, the head of his dick peeking out as he rolled his hips. The visual enough to send him over, he'd only been holding on because he wanted to enjoy this thing he always wanted to do so badly.

"Do you want to taste it, taste me? Do you want me down your throat?" He was going to let himself go soon but not before one more tease.

"Yes, please."

He groaned, her genuine and breathless answer made him want to give her what she wanted. "Too fucking bad." And as he let his orgasm go, he pulled himself from in between her breasts grabbed hold of them and came all over them. Purposely making a mess as if drawing on her skin, moving from nipple to nipple covering her as much as he could. "Fuck." He fell forward but caught himself on his hands, not wanting to mess up his creation.

She was turned on more than she ever thought she could be. She wanted him to get what he wanted. She wanted to know he could come unwound, lose his well-earned control. He was it for her and she thanked the stars above that she got the courage to text him. Because this was always going to turn her on. "What do you want me to do now?" Her eyes were heavy, and her center was pulsing in need.

"My phone." He caught his breath and moved off of her, digging into his pants pocket and disengaging the device. He crawled back over her. "This is my personal cell but it still has the same firewalls as the bureau's, because well, I know better. But I know you can make it even more secure, you can make it impossible to hack and you can hide things on it so only I can get to them."

She arched an eyebrow in annoyance, "I'm not your personal I.T. Department, _Alvez_."

He brought his hand to her chin and leaned into her face, "You're whatever I say you are. Do it." He handed it to her, she didn't try to move. He was on top of her and she was learning quickly, if he'd wanted her to move he would've let her already.

She started typing on the phone, putting code into the tiny computer in her hands and then creating a folder that was masked by an icon of a fitness tracker. She held it out to him, "There, you can get into the it with your fingerprint and the code I'll write down for you to memorize." She was not very amused by this turn of events and her attitude let him know it.

He laughed, "It's open right now though, yes? Anything I do while it's open is unreadable, and it would self-erase if someone else tried to get to it?"

"Yes, Alvez"

"That's not one of the approved names, unless you feel the need to scream it as you come to let everyone know who's fucking you." He opened the camera and held his phone above her chest, taking a picture of her breasts coated in his cum.

Her eyes widened, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She was going to snatch the phone away but his knees were on either side of her stomach, and she was effectively pinned. Her arms too short to reach the phone.

He leered at her, "I'm taking a picture of you covered in me so I can look at it whenever I want to. It's one of many I'll be taking, so get used to it." He lightly slapped her hands away as he held the phone steady and got a few shots. He admired his handy work, and started stroking himself again. Somehow, looking at the pictures felt even more erotic.

"I uh-" She wasn't sure she was actually that upset by his decision.

"You're flexible yes? Turn to your side." He didn't wait for an answer.

"Shouldn't I?" she gestured to her chest.

"No, you shouldn't. You're not wiping me off of you until I'm done with you, which won't be until one of us passes out. Turn."

She did so and the semen all over her chest dripped to her right and made a wet spot on the bed. He grabbed her legs, pushing them up, making them perpendicular to her torso. He was kneeling behind her and he lined himself up behind her. Admiring her ass and chest at the same time, "Keep your legs tight. Make it harder for me." He instructed and then pushed into her agonizingly slow. She was already a little sore from the rough coupling earlier but she felt the pleasurable pain of him moving in inch by inch. And the extra friction of her not opening for him.

She moaned, "Yes, oh god yes." She gripped the comforter in one hand desperate to steady herself.

He moaned as well, feeling the added barrier. He was going to move slow this time, this wasn't going to require the intensity it was going to be about the wall they made. "Squeeze me." She did as he slowly moved in and out, "Damn." He said breathlessly.

"Yeah." She agreed. He was hitting everything at once. At least that's what's it felt like. He was moving in and out but the angle he was at made it feel like he was hitting her clit from the inside. She wasn't sure that was possible. But if anyone could make the impossible possible, it was Luke.

He pushed her legs up further so he could watch himself sliding in and out of her. He was leaning back, seeing her hole open for him and the semen from before that had seeped out, still there. "Fuck. Just fuck." He squeezed his eyes shut, he could come from watching it. He was demanding, dominating, but he wasn't selfish, she had to come too. "Penelope, you're going to come all over my dick again. Keep squeezing. You feel me when I bottom out, you feel how deep it goes?" She liked dirty talk and he already knew that, he felt like they weren't learning anything they didn't already know. They were just acting out what they already should have long ago.

"Yes, so deep. I can feel it all the way at top."

"Right there?" He watched her nod and bite her lip so he started short quick pulses hitting the spot that made her close her eyes.

"I'm gonna, I'm gonna…"

"We're going to together. Squeeze harder, Baby." She felt her walls constricting and the orgasm wash over her.

She felt him coming in her as she heard him moan. She was overstimulated as he continued pulsing and she felt his warmth fill her, it almost hurt that it was so good. And then he reached around and flicked her clit, triggering another orgasm. Her body jerked uncontrollably and let out a loud moan followed by a scream. "Luke!" She managed to shout before turning her head into the bed and biting the comforter, muffling the strangled sounds she was still making.

Luke watched her as he tried to catch his own breath and finally, when her body stopped moving, he waited for her to turn, but her face was still buried in the comforter. He was about to pull out of her but she squeezed again. If he hadn't been inside of her he wouldn't know she'd moved at all. "Baby, look at me." He leaned over her.

She tried to lift her head but she couldn't, her brain was surely scattered across the room, courtesy of his impressive erection. She didn't know how much time passed but she could tell he was looming over her, waiting, placing kisses to the side of her breast that he had access to.

She finally was able to turn her head, her eyes barely open, "I blacked out for a second. I'm not kidding." She confessed.

She could feel the smile in his kiss to the fleshy side of her nipple. "You were magnificent. This entire thing is insanity." It was true, he'd never explain this to anyone, he never could. "I have to pull out."

She nodded and let her legs loosen as he pulled out of her. Both of them moaned at the loss of sensation. "I don't understand how I can feel so hollow when I didn't even know what you felt like yesterday."

She rolled to her back and he let her legs fall in between his, "You know exactly why. You were waiting for me, I'm the only one that fits you right. Your pussy was obviously made for me to put my dick in. There's no question in my mind about that now."

"I think I hated the word pussy until it came out of your lips."

He laughed, "I think you're going to like a lot of things you never knew you could."

"Apparently. I don't think I've ever let someone talk to me this way. Push me around, or for that matter not let me even clean myself up."

He smirked again. He was smug, but instead of pissing her off, it turned her on. Anyone else, she would probably think they were a douche but with him she felt a sense of pride knowing he was pleased that she was his to command. He fell to his back on the bed next to her, pulling her over to lay her head on his chest.

"Should I clean up now?" she asked without attitude, he noted.

"You're not done yet. We're just taking a few minutes to recover."

She nodded, her hair tickling his chin, "Okay."

Sergio decided to let them know he didn't appreciate whatever was happening during his time to rule the house. He started meowing loudly almost like a whine.

"I can just imagine what my kitchens going to look like once him and Roxy decide to band together." Luke put his hand in her hair, stroking it gently.

"What do you mean?" She lifted her head to look at his face.

"Don't you need to move from here?" He asked even though it wasn't really a question.

"Well yeah, the naked kung fu is still not for me."

"Yeah Penelope, let's not do this." He glimpsed her almost fearful face. "What I mean is, we're in this right? So let's not pretend like we haven't been for quite some time now. I don't need to get to know you or your habits or your annoying traits. Guess what, I'm already aware of how intoxicatingly infuriating you can be. So let's not play the game. You'll just move in with me so we can get this show on the road. Let's not be dumb about this."

She let out a one syllable disbelieving laugh, "And moving in with your girlfriend of five minutes is genius." She said it dripping with sarcasm but she felt a thrill go up her spine at his possessiveness.

"Okay you'd rather me pick you up for dates when I'm in town and we'll go to dinner and have some casual sex before I head back home. When I get called off for a week, I get back, I have to go to my house to take care of it, pick up Roxy and pack some stuff to come over. Is that better? Would that be easier?"

She closed one eye, glaring at him, "No, it wouldn't. I see your point but I refuse to acknowledge that you're right." She said resolutely.

He did the almost laugh that he always did and she let her head fall back to his chest. "That reminds me I should get my go-bag from the car. It's enough for the weekend but we should probably start moving your stuff as soon as we can. It would be easier to get you out before the first so you don't have to pay for an extra month." He kissed her forehead, placing her back on the bed as he slid off and found his clothes.

"Oh okay, so I'll just start packing tomorrow then." She pushed up on her elbows, leaning back as she watched him dress. The sarcasm in her voice dying out as her eyes drank him in. Damn he was hot. She had barely seen him naked yet, she hadn't been able to appreciate the full view.

He smirked again, watching her eyes travel the length of his body as he dressed. "Yeah, precisely." He pulled his coat on and exited her bedroom to a small gasp that made him chuckle silently.

She got up to use the bathroom. She was certain there would be plenty more sex if he had anything to say about it so she stayed naked, assuming he would get mad if she put anything on. Maybe she should put something on just to get him mad? She contemplated this as she looked in the bathroom mirror at the now drying semen all over her chest. Normally she would be a little disgusted or at least, over it. The element of passion losing its luster, but not with him.

She felt a renewed fire in her belly thinking about how he wanted to mark her as his, how he didn't want her to get rid of the evidence and how he had photographic evidence now too. She shivered, thinking about him pleasuring himself to her, while he was away on a case. He would think about her and get off. She felt an immense sense of power. She wanted him, but he also wanted her. She couldn't think of anything that would be a better aphrodisiac than him being so in need of her that he had to control her just so he could control himself.

The door opened and closed and she heard him shuffling around in the hall. She opened the door to the bathroom so he could come in if he wanted to but she was still inspecting her chest when he appeared in the doorway.

His irritatingly smug grin on his face, "What are you doing?"

"Just looking." She simpered at him.

He roughly tore off his coat and began getting undressed again, "Follow me." He instructed her as he stripped his clothes, making his way back into her bedroom.

She happily obeyed, trying to contain her excitement at the dominance in his eyes. He stripped everything but his pants. He'd unbuttoned them, he was standing near the foot of her bed and she approached him slowly, not sure what he had in mind. He summoned her silently with his two fingers. "Kneel."

Her eyes were wide but she could barely contain her desire, so she bit her lip as she knelt down in front of him. Her full nudity as well as the evidence of their previous encounters belied her innocent smile. "You wanted to taste and I'm going to let you this time." He informed her. She felt the sensation at her core again. Damn his words, his smug words at that, could turn her on and that pissed her off.

He retrieved his phone from his pants pocket and then pulled them down enough to release himself from the confinements of his jeans. He was at her lips again just like before but this time he looked to his right, her full length mirror that was on the opposite wall of her bed, next to her closet, where she dressed every morning, was lined up perfectly with their current position. She felt a rush of nerves hit her, maybe even embarrassment. They'd done things already but they were still exploring, it was nerve wracking, not knowing what it is he liked and not have the mask of unrivaled anger to hide behind. He saw her eyes flash in fear as he caught them in the reflection before she hastily turned back to look at him in front of her.

"Hey," he put his hand under her chin, "we both want to do all kinds of things to each other so let's not get caught up in thinking about it, just do it. Just like you were."

She nodded, still shy, but ready. He hit the camera on his phone and she thought he was going to take a picture of her kneeling in front of him but instead he held the phone in one hand near his thigh the camera pointing towards the mirror. She caught a glimpse of the screen and she could see it was recording. The bright moonlight coming in through the window was enough to make them visible without turning on the harsh overhead lights. He was going to record her doing this, a video, not a picture, a video. The thought both terrified and delighted her. She wanted him to have that, to watch it whenever he wanted to, hell she wanted to watch it. But anything she did that was less than stellar would also be captured.

"If we watch it and you want me to delete it afterwards, I will. We'll just have to try another time." He said to her, desire lacing his voice. She smiled again, trying to contain her own arousal, feeling the pulsing increase at her center. She nodded and he grabbed her by the back of the neck and brought her mouth to his cock. She opened and took him in. She swirled her tongue the way that made him moan earlier and wasn't disappointed when he did again. She brought her hands up to use at the base and also to tease his balls. He let her explore, loving how beautiful her mouth was as he disappeared inside of it. He held the phone steady where he knew it would capture them in the mirror but he couldn't help himself he had to watch the live action shot.

After a few more moments of exploration, he gently started pulsing his hips, slowly taking control. She stopped, letting her hand hold him as she took a deep breath, before opening for him again. He saw her give him permission with her eyes so he held her by the back of the head more firmly so that his pulsing would be the indicator of the rhythm.

He heard her hum a little moan when he pushed deeper. He loved her mouth getting him soaked. Her plentiful saliva making him glisten with moisture. He wanted to study her face a little bit better so he caught her attention and made her look up at him. "Stay right there, Baby." He almost whispered.

She wanted to look away but he wouldn't let her. His eyes demanded her attention, his plan was to pulse into her quickly and harshly, not enough that it hurt but enough that she knew exactly what he demanded of her. But his desire for her was unhinged, he had wanted this for so long and he had denied it even to himself. So now with her looking up at him with trust, love, and lust in her eyes, he didn't need that but he still wanted to give her what she wanted. She wanted to taste him she liked the idea of having him slide down her throat. He smugly thought she'd probably never wanted that before. Maybe she'd done it, maybe not, but she didn't want to, until him. He was sure of it. He slowed his pace and took a step closer to her. "Relax your throat," he commanded softly.

She tried but she wasn't exactly sure what he meant or how to do that. "Just calmly breathe through your nose and then try to keep your throat relaxed. It's okay, take your time."

She did as he said and his steady low voice was not only soothing, but enticing. He slid into her mouth a little deeper. He could feel her start to panic, so he pulled back, "That's good, do it again but hum as you do," he coaxed her.

She did as instructed and he was able to hit the back of her throat, feeling it and knowing that it was her, was really all he needed. "Touch yourself," he breathed out.

She certainly wasn't planning on multitasking she didn't need it. She could come again later, she was sure she would. It was as if he could read her mind, "No Baby, grab your tits, play with them. Your chest has been tragically ignored."

She brought her hands to her chest, playing with her nipples that were already aching.

He slowly kept hitting the back of her throat, thoroughly impressed she could do so well, this being her first time.

"I'm going to speed up. Just relax, I've got you." He gripped her falling curls harder, holding onto her hair for the help. He needed to time this right. "Penelope, I have thought about this so many times. I've wanted to be in your mouth every time you sassed me. Every. Single. Time." He pushed at every word to accent his point. "I've had to take care of myself thinking about that mouth and how I would gladly let you call me any name in the book as long as afterwards I could come in your mouth so you would taste me on your tongue."

She had done her best to keep her pupils focused on him but she was squirming. She felt the arousal start at her center where she could still feel his previous spendings coming out of her. Up to her breasts, where she was touching and tweaking her own nipples. On instinct she reached down between her legs got some of the combined liquids on her fingers and spread it on her nipples, the moisture made the air act as an added sensual presence. His nostrils flared as she had done it, this girl was going to be the death of him.

"That's a good girl, you're really good at this, Baby." He was holding back a groan, wanting to take her with him.

She was stimulated even without constant movement inside of her to make it so. She was turned on by him, his words and the sensual experience this had become. The thought of him, Luke, Agent Alvez, her Newbie coming down her throat in a show of not only dominance but as if he needed it from her. That if she didn't give that to him, he'd not survive another day, was making her mind feel like it was on overload.

"You want me to come so you can taste me. You like that I'm the one to teach you this. It turns you on and you're going to come simply because you can."

For a moment she wanted to panic, he couldn't really expect her to come without - but then again she could make herself come quicker with her hand, thinking about him, than with her powerful vibrator, when she tried to push him out of her mind and think of literally anyone else. He said he had her and he did, he was going to take care of her.

"I am going to shoot my hot sticky cum into your throat but I'll leave you a little bit to swirl on your tongue so you can taste me. Think about that Penelope, you're going to know what I taste like. When we're sitting at our desks talking to everyone, your mind is going to slip to this moment where you got to feel me let go inside of your mouth. And you will love it, you'll love making me unravel and you'll love that you have control of me that way, but remember I'm still in charge and that means you'll swallow and you'll fucking love it. And you'll remember that whenever you're not around I'll have this video of you submitting to me to make me come all over again. So come Penelope, come for me."

He sped up, his control leaving his body. His words were making her flush with sensation, the man knew what to say to her. He knew exactly what she wanted and why. She trusted every word he said and when he asked her to come, her body had no choice but to respond. She could feel herself shaking as she let her nails rake over her nipples. His pulsing was quicker and quicker and she thought she felt herself gag but she didn't care. He moaned so loud, cursing, and screaming her name she saw his eyes close in absolute bliss and his control all but nonexistent.

Watching him fall like that, watching his face and his body submit to her despite the fact that he was in a position of power, that was enough for her mind to tell her body what it had to do. She felt the pulsing at her center quicken as she continued to squeeze her internal muscles. And as he she felt him fall down her throat and as he gave her the taste she wanted, she let out a muffled orgasmic scream.

He had nothing left to give but as she came, he saw her lean forward to keep him in her mouth until she was done. As she felt herself coming down from her own orgasm, she released him from her mouth, but she kissed his balls and then his thighs sloppily as she tried to refocus her eyes on anything. She finally slumped against one of his legs, pressing her cheek to his thigh. He stopped recording and lightly tossed the phone to the bed.

She vaguely registers the movement, "How did you manage that?" She asked impressed, referring to the camera and the high he gave her without even touching her.

He let his hand stroke her forehead down to the back of her head pushing her messy curls out of the way. He brought his other hand to her chin and then brought his index finger to her lips, letting it pull the bottom lip down and then hearing it pop back into place as his finger trailed down to her chin.

He was lovingly watching her and she glanced up, finally focusing on him again. He gazed at her, letting his eyes shine in approval then leading her gaze to the mirror again, she obediently followed. She saw what he saw, her on her knees, her ass resting on her own chins, she was leaning into him for support. Her naked body on full splendid display. She was his in anyway he wanted, anything he needed she was his, the reflection was a physical display of how exactly she felt about him. He was strong and protective, keeping her safe and loved but he was also keeping her in her place, giving her the structure she'd craved, and the intimacy she could never live without ever again.

"I love you." It was the first time she had told him without any venom or sneer or malice or exasperation. It was just a statement. The truest thing she had ever said to go along with the most honest thing she would ever feel.

His eyes were domineering, he loved the feel of her at his feet and the warmth she gave him. The utter feeling of devotion and respect and awe. She was able to make him weak by showing her vulnerability and he was never going to wrap his head around that.

His eyes softened, "I love you." His voice was just as sincere as hers. And he was certain, for the first time, since before he was an eighteen year old private first class, that he was, unequivocally, safe again.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, but her legs began to go numb and she began to fidget. "Come on, we can shower." He held his hand out for her.

"I thought I wasn't allowed to wash you off." She teased him as she took his offered hand.

He led her back to the bathroom, "I was going to come on you some more but your chest has dried up, it looks like you had a sunburn and you're peeling."

She swatted his arm, but she didn't care that he was teasing her, she was holding his hand. His hand was intertwined with hers. It was silly to feel so pleased at such a generic show of affection but actually to her it was quite intimate. "So are we going to have shower sex or are you going to let me rest?" She reached into the shower and was going to turn it on but he stopped her.

"We can rinse off first but I want to sit in the bathtub with you. We have to do one cliched romantic thing tonight before I start getting really angry at you again when my mind recovers and reminds me how this all went down."

Penelope giggled, "Yeah, I'm alright with that."

He disposed of his pants that he'd still had hanging low off his hips. Then he followed her into the, thankfully large, warm, inviting shower. He watched her pull her hair back and grab a clip from the corner shower caddy. "I want it down."

"I'll leave it down after this, I don't want to get my hair wet. It's more trouble than it's worth. It will take time to redo, trust me." He nodded, as if giving her permission, she scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You don't get to control everything you know?"

Luke pushed her against the the tiled wall, "Yes, I do. Don't piss me off again. At least wait until we're dry." He explained as he grabbed her shower gel and put some in his hands and started rubbing it across her chest and arms then to her belly and back.

She had relaxed into his touch, the consistency of the gel mixed with the warm water and his hands softly running over every inch of her skin, "Don't you dare think you're going to be like this at work. They're not going to know anything about this." Her voice was breathless, the warning not remotely effective.

Luke gripped her arms tightly in his, her ass was against his thighs and he leaned down to her ear, "Our work dynamic doesn't have to change, you're right. But in every other way, you'll do what I tell you to. So if they profile that about us, if they realize you like being submissive, so be it. I'm okay with that, you want it and it's not embarrassing. No announcements need to be made but it's not going to be a secret. I'm not going to let you cover it up by being even more of a brat."

She nodded, "Damn, you're lucky you're so hot."

He chuckled, "So that's the only reason you let me do this?"

She turned around, "No, but it helps." She brought her arms to link around his neck, "I just need you, I don't know why, but it's who you are, whatever that is, I need it." She didn't have the words but something about him had always been magnetic.

"Yes, I know. I'm at the right place in life, I didn't realize that was because of you. But it is, it's all you. We need each other, I know my therapist might tell me that's not a good thing, but when it comes to this, I don't think anyone could be an expert besides us." He leaned in close to her lips almost kissing her but not quite, his eyes roaming her face. Both of them taking in the other's scent and then letting their eyes connect, "I'm not going to let anyone talk me out of this, or tell me it's too soon, or we need to slow down and talk. We know. Just remember there is no need to doubt this, because _we_ know."

She licked her bottom lip, her eyes fluttering, accepting his words. They both leaned in and kissed each other. Both of them moaning their approval, she realized it had been a sin not to have been kissing him this whole time. His lips were perfect and the taste of them was intoxicating.

Luke pushed her back against the wall, kissing her ferociously, he needed to kiss her forever just to make up for what they had missed, but it would never be enough. She kissed him like she needed his lips in order to live. He loved knowing she was just as far gone as he was, that's what he needed, he needed someone to need him that much. He needed a reason to live, he'd thought he had worked through all of that but he hadn't really found the answer until now.

They were making out like teenagers in the back row of any cinema, he watched as the lifelong addiction to each other's lips began. He needed to stop this before they lost all their time to making out and ran out of hot water in the process, "Come on, fill the tub, I'll grab towels and put them in the dryer. Where?"

Penelope pointed in the direction of a linen closet in the hallway. She used her big toe to put the stopper in place at the bottom of the tub and then changed the water flow from the shower head to the faucet.

The water was more than halfway up by the time he returned, she had already mixed in the bubbles and was currently sitting in the tub, reading the back of the bottle she'd used. "You know I usually just take a bath alone, not really sure if this requires more or less." She contemplated without ever looking up at him.

He smiled genuinely at her, their entire evening had gone from heavy emotional confessions, to angry and dominating sex and here she was wondering if she'd poured enough liquid out of the bottle covered in rainbows and cartoon horses. "I'm sure it's fine, Babe."

She spun her head to him, "Babe? Oooh do we get mushy nicknames now?" She asked excitedly.

Luke laughed, "Yeah probably. Along with all the other non-mushy ones." He climbed into the tub behind her, settling in as she reached forward and turned the faucet to barely a drizzle.

She sat back, settling in between his legs and feeling him pressed against her entire body and she leaned back into him, "Your body is insane." She said sweetly.

He chuckled, "So is yours, now I'm actually confounded as to how we haven't done this already. Everything we've done, I already thought about before this, maybe with a little less anger, but still. So even though I was apparently pretty thick about all of this, I'm wondering how, since these desires are not new." He'd wrapped his arms around her and was lightly caressing her breasts with his fingers and palms, his chin resting on her shoulder as he stared straight ahead, lost in thought.

She quietly brought her hands to rest on top of his and turned her head letting her forehead rest on his cheek, "I've thought about a lot of things with you, sex, love, what it all would look like but I can't pinpoint exactly when I stopped denying and instead embraced it."

"How much did you think about?"

Her forehead crinkled "What do you mean?"

"I mean, how far did you think this through? As in," he paused, it was silly to feel cautious about anything at this point, "marriage or kids or where we'd live."

She felt an embarrassingly huge smile come to her face, but she shook her head as she chose to stare at the same spot on the wall that he'd found so fascinating. "I just always thought we would just let it fall together. As long as we still wanted these jobs we'd stay here. I'd marry, when you asked nicely, and I was planning on leaving the kids thing up to you. Although, we didn't actually use anything." She said the last part with a hint of apology. She waited, holding her breath until she felt his chest moving against her back in a silent chuckle.

"Yup, that sounds about right." He laughed louder and brought his hand to pinch between his eyebrows before returning it to her breast.

"Uh, you're not upset? I genuinely didn't think about it until right now." She inhaled a breath and clenched her teeth, "Although, maybe I should tell you that I probably can't get pregnant anyway, so if you want kids-"

"I don't care. Wait, is that why you said you thought you'd leave it up to me?"

"Sort of. I suppose if you had your heart set on it, I'd look worry about fertility, or adoption. I just never have been, so I never bothered to figure it out. I suppose it didn't really even occur to me until I wondered if you'd want them, which sounds kind of dumb."

"At this point it doesn't sound dumb at all. So I suppose that makes sense. You don't ever worry about pregnancy then?"

"I usually do actually. I'm not dumb, low chances are not the same as no chance, condoms and birth control are usually used. I suppose the way this night started out, it was not on my mind."

"Fair enough, so do you care that we didn't use anything?"

"Honestly, not really, and I sort of don't want to but we can if you do and I can also get the morning after pill if you-"

"Penelope, get real. I'm not strapping a condom on now and if we're in this then c'est la vie or whatever, right? I don't need kids but if it happens I'll take that as a sign that we're supposed to have them. Is that cool?"

She smiled, "Yeah, I pretty much think that's the perfect answer. I feel the same way, exactly."

He laughed, "Well I sure as shit didn't ask did I? I must not have cared much about any of it either. Penelope, I am serious about moving in. I genuinely can't fathom a good reason not to get this show on the road." He said earnestly as he put his lips to her shoulder.

She was smiling wildly, "I really can't either. I get what people are saying now, when they say that when you know, you know. I just know this is it. I didn't want to say that because I thought it sounded nuts and also, how much shit can I confess in one night?" She tilted her head forwards as he kissed the back of her neck.

"Well that's the thing, it's not like we could just go out for coffee and see where this goes. We're in love with each other, I don't think that this is crazy at all. Maybe I'm really wrong."

"No Luke, I've done the serious relationship thing. I've spent years getting to know someone, sharing more and more. Intertwining family and friends. I did it the way you're told to do it. But it was never right. I'm not saying people should jump in head first or anything I'm just saying, I spent years with some people and I know what wrong feels like. This is not that."

Luke nodded against her neck, "I can't say I have the same experience, but to be honest, I feel like that's sort of the same conclusion. Nothing ever felt right so I never bothered. This, I'm not letting you go." He admitted.

"Exactly. So we're just going to move in together and use no birth control and that's that."

"Sounds good to me. Although, if you're backhandedly asking about marriage, I meant what I said even though I was angrily undressing you. If you want it sooner rather than later then whatever you say, otherwise, you can leave it up to me."

"Oh yeah, I'm leaving it up to you. I want to know that it wasn't because I asked but because you wanted to. _That_ , I need," she said adamantly.

"Fair enough."

"Just a question, this dominant thing you have going on is that really a full time deal or is that the heat of the moment type situation?" She bit her lip anticipating the answer.

He scoffed, "That's pretty permanent, doesn't have to be every single time but it's not just for tonight, while I'm angry at you."

She tilted her head and sunk a couple inches deeper into the bathtub, "Good," she said quietly.

He laughed, "Wow. Yup, this is a great decision. You like everything we've done?"

She rolled one shoulder, "I didn't dislike anything."

"The pictures, the orders, the names, the force, all of it?"

"I didn't realize I would enjoy it this much." She admitted shyly.

"You're shy right now?"

"It's like, real now, because were calmly, rationally talking about it. I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that you're erection is pressing into my back and you essentially fucked my mouth not a half hour ago. Give a girl a minute."

He laughed and he kissed her shoulder again and squeezed her breasts harder. "Want to do something I've been thinking about since the first day I joined the team?"

"I thought you said you wanted to slide in between my boobs since the first day we met?"

"Yes, the first day we met but we met a couple months before I actually joined the team. When I was just helping out from my place in fugitive recovery."

"Okay so what could you possibly have decided on the day you joined the team? I remember you had to go to that sex shop with Reid and you had me look them up, I'm fine with a lot of kink but there are some things that aren't kinky they're just painful and unnecessary." She was cringing, but realized she might be yucking his yum and she wanted to at least hear him out. "But to each their own, I'm not judging."

"Yeah no, not what I was talking about. I can get into a few things like that but I'm in the same boat, there are all kinds of dirty things to do to each other and none of it has to involve medieval torture devices. No, this is something much more fun. And I've been picturing it almost everyday since."

She was definitely intrigued, "And what is that?"

"Remember how you said something about fingering techniques, that your _boyfriend_ helped you with."

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah."

"Ever since then, I cannot help but picture you riding my fingers." He bit her shoulder, "Turn around."

She didn't even hesitate, she turned and settled her knees on either side of his thighs, her upper body further out of the water, "You've thought about this since then?" She asked huskily, and kissed his jaw.

"How could I not? Are you seriously trying to tell me you forgot?"

"Oh no, I remember perfectly. I went to my office and screamed into my hands that I embarrassed myself like that in front of you."

"Not what I took away from that exchange." His mouth caught her nipple and he sucked on it.

"Holy shit, I forgot you haven't even-" she cut herself off as she felt his tongue run over it. "Oh my god."

"They're as sensitive as I imagined they would be." He murmured before moving to her other one.

"You have no idea." She gripped his hair in her hand as she tried to hold his head in place.

He brought his fingers down to her core, "I haven't got to feel you with my fingers yet either."

"How? It feels like we've done so much?" she said breathlessly.

He nodded as he returned his mouth to place kisses on her breasts again, "Get on Penelope."

She complied and maneuvered herself onto his waiting hand, "Damn it, how can I even love your fingers this much," she leaned forward to bite his neck as she sank lower onto him. She stilled as she felt him suck on her nipple.

"Don't wait for me, you're doing this, fuck yourself with my fingers, Sweetheart."

His words spurred her to move, she wasn't sure she had the energy to be on top right now but then again this wasn't excaclty that. She didn't have to worry about getting him off she just needed to get herself off. "Gah," she squealed out when she felt him circle his thumb over her other nipple while still assaulting the one he'd apparently grown fond of and latched onto.

She was moving up and down but only slightly, she moved back and forth more so and could feel his fingers hitting the right spot. "Damn Baby this is exactly how I pictured it. You said fingering techniques and my fingers sliding into you is all I could dream about. Hold on to the side of the tub and make your breasts shake for me."

She followed his command, she watched his face darken, he didn't take his eyes off of her bouncing breasts. "Luke," she gasped. She was ready to come. "Can you-" she pulled his head close to indicate she wanted his mouth on her again.

He growled, he covered her cold skin with his warm mouth. She felt the shock, the difference, her chest had been chilled by the air and the lack of water around her upper body, the sensation of the changing temperature was enough to push her over, he felt her pulse pick up and her clenching began, "Yes Penelope, come on my fingers. Soak them." He instructed, and then returned his mouth where she wanted it.

"Fuck, yes, yes. I - uh - yes," she gasped," "yes, Luke!" She continued to move her hips back and forth as the feeling died out. "Holy shit. Why did that-"

"I don't know but I'm glad it did." He continued to kiss her chest and squeeze and suck and palm them, exploring them. She lazily leaned into him and played with the hair at the back of his head as he did so. "I love the taste of these. I love these." He pushed them up further and let them drop and then repeated it.

"I don't mind them, myself." She admitted.

He chuckled, "I'll remember that. Let's get out of here, we have a few more things to do."

She pulled back to look at him, "Are you serious? I'm not objecting, just that I've never come this many times in one night. I didn't know it was possible."

"Oh, we're achieving so much more than you thought then."

Penelope pushed back and used the side of the tub to stand up, she hit the drain with her foot to let the water out, and turned on the shower head again to rinse off. Before she knew it, Luke was behind her, she yipped when he grabbed her ass with both hands roughly, "What do you think about?" He dug his nails into her skin.

"Right now?" She asked incredulously and almost terrified, she turned to see him over her shoulder.

Luke chuckled, "No, we need to work you up to it unless you already are." He raised an eyebrow.

"Nope, can't say that I have any training for that."

"Good," he growled possessively. "But you would?"

She turned to face the water again, she squinted her eyes in contemplation, "I would, because I trust you to make me like it."

He bit her shoulder and then pressed his erection against her butt. "Fuck, well we are definitely going to have another orgasm now because my dick is going to pop back up every time I remember you agreed to that." He switched places with her to rinse himself off.

She giggled, "Good to know."

"I'll get you a towel." He kissed her again and she almost didn't let him go because she had been tragically denied his lips.

"But I want your lips." She said as he got out of the tub, leaving her to shut off the water.

"You'll get them." He called back to her from the hallway.

Penelope turned the water off and stepped out just as he was coming back, he wrapped her in the bigger than big towel and then secured a smaller one around his waist.

They moved into the bedroom and she sat back on the bed, "I'm very sore. I can feel the swelling down there." She gasped as she tried to cross her legs.

"But you still need to come again."

"Honey, I don't know how."

He smiled, "I think I do." He got up to go to the kitchen and returned as she was rubbing lotion into her skin. He shook his head, "You have to make everything difficult don't you?"

"What?"

"Take off the towel Penelope."

"But I'll get cold."

He walked to the thermostat and turned it up. "Take it off and show me how you rub lotion on yourself."

She simpered and pushed the towel off, and then continued to rub the heavy cream into herself, down her arms, up her legs, into her neck and over her breasts.

Luke kneeled in between her legs and pulled them apart. He had a small ice pack wrapped in a soft cloth, "What are you?"

"You're sore right?" He asked with mirth.

"Yeah but I don't think it's like a sports injury. You can't just ice it."

"No not like that but, not not like that." He gently laid the ice pack on her she felt it but it wasn't shocking, the thicker wash cloth shielding her from the harshness of it. He was nipping at her inner thigh.

She felt the coldness increasing, as he held it there longer, "I don't understand." She said it even though she was gasping at the sensation of his mouth and teeth on the sensitive skin of her inner thigh.

"Hmm, you will. Rub more lotion on your breasts." He ordered her, she obeyed and dropped some more cream onto her chest and agonizingly slowly rubbed it in. "Is it cold yet?"

"Yes, it feels a little numb." She answered his question without stopping her hands.

"Good." His mouth descended on her clit, "Yup, definitely cold enough."

She gasped loudly in surprise, "Oh hell I - oh my god." She felt the sensation of his warm tongue on her chilled clit. "Why do you know how to-" She cut herself off she didn't want to know.

He chuckled, "Don't worry, I'm going off instinct here, no prior experience." His tongue swirled around her and then started to move back and forth, warming her up slowly.

It didn't hurt at all even though she was sure she'd have to call it quits. "Thank god for that, but shit, you are-" She moaned, when she felt his tongue move faster, she dug her nails into her own chest while rubbing the lotion in. "Really really smart. Like, you're definitely the smartest person I've ever met. Smarter than-" Her breath caught, "Damn Luke, fu-uh-yes, yes." Her legs weren't in her control and Luke had to hold them down which made her scream louder to get the excess energy out of her body.

He placed gentle kisses to her until he felt her breathing even out, "I really really love you." He murmured and then trailed kisses up her thighs to her stomach and over the middle of her chest to nip at her neck, "You taste good." His mouth connected with hers and she moaned and pulled him closer using her tongue to taste herself on him.

"I really really love you." They kissed again.

"The sun's going to be up soon." He uttered in between kisses.

"Good thing we're off tomorrow." She answered.

"Hmm mmm, we do need to sleep and you need a break, but my erection has other ideas and so do I. I really do want you to know I'm mad at you and I probably will be off and on while we adjust to this whole thing but I also want to know we can be good to each other."

She nodded, "I know we can but I wouldn't mind feeling it."

He softened his gaze and gently used his knees to push her legs apart, he kissed her neck and held her to him by placing a hand to her hair. She returned the favor and trailed kisses down his jawline, to his neck and gently bit the skin near his collar bone.

Luke pulled back to look at her, both of their eyes were heavy-lidded and he used his hand to guide himself slowly into her, as he watched her face. She tried to continue to hold his gaze which she did except when her eyes closed momentarily from feeling him fill her up again. Her head fell back and then her lips found his jaw again, "I love you." She murmured as he slowly pushed into her.

He nodded against her, he used both forearms to support himself so that he could stay close to her, "I love you more." He caught her gaze again.

She would have thought this was cheesy, to make love like this, to even say make love, to stare in his eyes while they did so, but somehow it was the most forceful she had felt him be all night. She swallowed her emotion and lifted her head.

He kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger as he continued to roll his hips, he felt her grip his biceps so he pushed off the bed with one hand and watched their joining, "Look at us," he whispered to her.

She barely was able to peer down, she was starting to feel it take over, but she saw him gently entering her and saw the moisture on him and felt how wet she was for him. He glanced back to her face and watched her eyes widen when she felt the orgasm hit her. He waited purposely until he saw her lose the battle and close her eyes and then he let himself go as he stared at her quietly gasping for air.

Moments passed and he fell onto her, letting their chests connect, and then kissing her again which she returned vehemently. He finally pushed back, both of them taking a deep breath. He laid next to her and pulled her close, she lifted her hips so he could get the blanket to cover them both. She leaned into his chest, placing a kiss there. "I've definitely never done that," she whispered quietly.

Luke brushed a lock of hair away and placed a kiss to her head, "Me either." His arms were wound around her and her leg came to intertwine with his, "I love you."

"I love you," she murmured before they both fell asleep.

….

Luke trudged towards the loud banging, pulling up his sweatpants and rubbing his eye with the palm of his hand. He might as well have been drunk and hungover, his brain was absolute mush. He opened the door wide, he was barely blinking at the people in front of him. One eye semi-closed, he sighed, she forgot to mention she was having guests.

* * *

I love reviews, of course, but I will say, Fog from the get go was emotional then it became something else but I was insecure about it, so yes, please let me know on this one.

Also, I never planned a part 2 let alone a part 3 but it got so long that a part 4 will be coming and don't worry it will be out to you _much_ sooner.

Thank you to everyone who encouraged this story. And thanks to a reader who read Fog last week and offered to beta this for me which is why it is finally out to you all!


	4. Weather Report

Hopefully a nice little ending to this story that was never planned.

I am so thankful for the support on everything. Especially this story, since it was more intense for me.

I will update Summer, Cash, and When, soon. I also will be publishing a one shot about my hope for the 1st episode, based on the rumors I've heard so far.

* * *

Luke trudged towards the loud banging, pulling up his sweatpants and rubbing his eye with the palm of his hand. He might as well have been drunk and hungover, his brain was absolute mush. He opened the door wide, he was barely blinking at the people in front of him. One eye semi-closed, he sighed, she forgot to mention she was having guests.

All the people in front of him wore faces of total shock. He didn't particularly care just then. The whole group was silent, most with their mouths open. He didn't feel like giving an explanation. He glanced casually at them and noticed Derek in the back of the crowd, Luke smirked, realizing Penelope was right. Derek probably got in late and crashed with Reid so he didn't disturb her.

Luke saw all the food in various trays, "Oh good, I'm fucking starving." He shook his head, he forgot that the two of them weren't in their angry sex bubble where neither of them had any shame or any filter. "I mean, cool, I'm hungry." He left the door wide open and walked away much like Penelope had done for him the night before.

All the shocked people were stock-still until they heard the arguing loudly filling the halls.

"I fucking forgot."

"Like I care, just find my fucking shirt."

"You fucking find it."

And with that parting word, Penelope emerged from her room, scanning the people still in the hallway. She knew it was obvious she'd been fucked good and proper. As soon as she realized what the knocking was, she rushed to smooth her hair enough to put it in a curly ponytail. Her mascara and eyeliner were still on, both of them being waterproof. During her less than stellar impression of her bedtime routine the night before she didn't take it off. She looked simple but pretty. There was enough color on her from all the screwing she'd done, there was a glow to her skin. She threw on a simple short sleeve cotton summer dress. Dumb in winter, but not in her toasty warm house.

She was smiling at their unmitigated shock. For once she surprised them, albeit unintentionally. "Come in. We're still having brunch and talking. We probably need to." She waved a hand and the group started filing in. They all slowly set things on the table and took off coats. None of them saying anything even when she went to hug Derek hello, he just silently embraced her and then stood back studying her.

"Penelope, it's not fucking here." Luke's voice called out.

"Yes, it fucking is." She rolled her eyes and stomped toward the bedroom again.

The people in the room gave each other pointed looks. They had no idea what to make of any of it. Most of them hadn't even heard Luke curse, and Penelope, only when she was drunk.

The arguing continued, "See, it's right here." She threw the shirt she found.

"That's not where you said it was. And you can deal with that shit." He pointed towards the room holding the others.

"I didn't ask for your help, jerk." She came back into the room, Luke behind her, pulling the shirt over his head as he walked to the kitchen. Opening the fridge and grabbing a water bottle, not saying a word or acknowledging the presence of the others or returning their gazes. Instead he gazed at Penelope standing near the table they were all gathered at, waiting with an arched eyebrow for her to start speaking.

She gave him a death glare before facing the others. "So I guess you'd like an explanation."

"To start." Emily scoffed.

"Here, let's get you plates so you all can eat."

JJ shook her head trying to clear it, "Actually we have paper plates, cups, and napkins. As well as the bottles of juice. We uh, didn't want you to have to worry about anything else." She glanced between Luke and Penelope and then gestured to the bags.

Penelope gestured to the table and the group silently seated themselves. Slowly they passed plates and containers holding various foods around. Eerily quiet except the rustling of bags and pouring of beverages. Once they all had full plates in front of them they turned back to her expectantly.

She huffed, this was worse than she thought. But from their perspective she was irreparably heart broken just hours ago. She was broken all week. In fact, just from their perspective she had been having a mostly one-sided love affair. And she'd finally gotten burned.

She took a breath, "Okay so we - uh, well, I guess I texted Newbie last night-"

"Not on the approved list." He interrupted, his face seemed passive and his body language so relaxed that she wanted to punch him.

She tilted her head and pursed her lips, her anger that had never truly dissipated was flaring up somehow. "Okay so I texted asshat over there and then he came over here all super angry and crazy and then we decided to start a relationship even though both of us sort of hate each right now." She wasn't sure what she was saying, trying to find decent words to describe whatever the hell happened.

She saw all the faces in the room besides Luke's fall into deeper perplexion. She growled, he could do something besides smirk while leaning against the counter.

"I know I wasn't here yesterday but after talking to you and the others, I thought you were extremely emotional and I can't reconcile that with," Derek gestured between the two of them, "this."

"Right, uh, things are completely different than they were just, well," she glanced at the clock on the wall, "eight hours ago. Basically I was tired of being upset so I told Luke the truth."

"Okay," Rossi nodded at her, "and you, Son?"

Penelope smirked, he was making her handle this all on purpose, both of them taking out anger and annoyance and frustration two years in the making, but he'd have to answer Rossi.

Luke glared at Penelope, wanting her to know she'd get punished later, before turning to Rossi, "After she sent me a very _informative text_ ," his attitude returned as he snarled the last words at her, and then addressed the group again, "I couldn't ignore it, so I accidentally, well and truly pissed off my date and then came over here to figure out what the hell she was talking about."

"Uh, I'm very confused. Sorry man, but what about what you said about the doctor?" Matt didn't want to start a fire but he knew that he had more intel than anyone on where Luke was prior to this, so this was not where he thought he would be.

Luke pushed off his hip that was on the counter and turned, letting his back lean against it, "Yeah ignore that, it's irrelevant."

"The girl you were on a date with less than eight hours ago is irrelevant?" JJ wasn't judging but she wanted clarification.

"Yeah she is, we went on two dates and somehow magically both of them ended because of Penelope. Even if I wanted to talk to the woman again she would not care." Luke shrugged, at this point he would probably forget the woman's name soon enough. "Although that's going to be fun to explain to Phil," he said to no one in particular. "Actually, you know what? You're taking care of that too," he sneered at Penelope.

"Fuck off, no I'm not." She let her hip pop out and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yeah, you fucking are." He said resolutely and took another sip of water.

Tara had her mouth open as she glanced between the two people in front of her, "I - uh but - so you're together now? But yesterday you were…"

The others knew exactly what she was trying to say, she didn't have to verbalize anything. "There's no good explanation. None. I'm sorry." Penelope told her sincerely but she directed it at all of them.

"Are you two going to keep cursing like this all the time because that could be a problem at work." Emily asked still scrutinizing them with suspicion.

"No. We'll be fine. Just not right now and probably not for a while. Not when we're alone, but as long as both of us are alive on Monday, we'll make sure not to curse." Luke answered that one easily, he was just as confused about their turn to veritable chaos as they were.

"There was a study that said curse words can actually alleviate tension in the body, it-"

Derek cut Spencer off, "Not the time, kid. So I wasn't wrong to come? If this didn't change so drastically overnight you would've wanted me here right?" He almost felt like he'd misread the situation, like he couldn't gauge her needs anymore.

"Derek you are always more than welcome, but yeah it would've been good timing." She smiled at him sweetly to which he nodded, he needed some type of reassurance that he wasn't completely misinformed.

"Uh, why are you two so mad at each other?" Matt asked slowly.

Luke sighed and scoffed, shaking his head, "This whole thing, it's like... look, I didn't understand everything you all apparently did but she could've said something to me. Plenty of opportunity before I agreed to rope some other woman into this whole shit storm and probably piss off my best friend in the process. My best friend whom you've met by the way, when we went there to visit him alone, and you still said nothing. Like anytime, really. But no, she decides now, and yes, I understand how upset she must have been but it seems pretty damn unnecessary to me." Luke glared between the table of people and her and then back to the wall in front of him, seemingly pissed off at everything his eyes touched.

Penelope rolled her eyes, "And I'm pissed off at him because he's a blind asshat." She was staring his direction with narrowed eyes.

The faces of the other people started morphing from absolute bemusement to some understanding with a hint of amusement.

"Okay but I-" JJ shook her head still concerned, "You're saying that if she had told you something before, this would've all been avoided?" JJ turned to Luke.

He stuck his tongue to his teeth for a second and put his hand up to his forehead, "It wouldn't have gotten to this point." He actually wasn't sure what would've happened, he might not have been as quick to decipher that he was just as in love with her as she was with him but the way he felt now didn't happen overnight even if that's how he realized it. But he wouldn't have been bombarded with the wall of emotion either.

"I like how you say that like it was just a matter of me casually saying something like, _hey can I borrow your pen?_ " Penelope scoffed at him.

"Not saying that, saying that I compartmentalize things on purpose, which by the way, you know, so yeah you could've made sure I was aware." He gritted out.

"Are you really saying you were completely unaware?" Tara asked in disbelief.

"We all aren't supposed to profile each other, right? I take that seriously. I take everything you all say on the surface. Profiling unsubs, reading their reactions, predicting fugitive's moves, yeah, but personal friends and family, that's not fair. So I genuinely try not to read into anything unless it's clear someone wants me to know." Luke explained.

Rossi widened his eyes momentarily, actually believing Luke's reasoning, "I get that, and I'm sure we're all glad you give us our privacy that apparently we aren't as good at giving each other but if you felt this way…" Rossi gestured in between the two people standing at opposite sides of the room.

"I wasn't all that aware of that either, I've been trained not to feel anything personal. I can go undercover for months and barely remember anything besides the objective. Who I am is not important. I can tap into my emotions when I want to but generally I don't analyze anything unless it's explicitly personal. I have a tremendous amount of self discipline. Too much, apparently." Luke explained to them.

"That makes sense, that's why none of us could really read you. We all thought we saw something returned, we just couldn't figure out what." Spencer was finally happy that he had an explanation.

"But if you're here, then... You didn't come here because you were worried about her, so even if you weren't aware of your own feelings, why would you - or actually-" JJ sat up in her chair, "Okay, okay, what I mean is, even if you weren't analyzing your feelings you still knew you felt something right? So why go on a date until you knew for sure what?"

This was not what Luke expected, he wanted Penelope to be on the hot seat but she had probably overshared plenty already and other than her mood being completely different they understood why she jumped into this. "All I can say is I subconsciously put it all away, so I was just not reconciling what one had to do with the other. In my mind these things were unrelated." Luke scratched at the back of his head, "I do, however, realize now, that I was also avoiding the obvious at times. I can see that there was something I could've acknowledged if I'd had the courage to do so."

"See, infuriating." Penelope said by way of explanation.

"Again not trying to start a fire, but you were aware of your," Matt stopped and looked at Penelope, he didn't want to be on the other end of her wrath nor make Luke have to deal with it either, "thoughts about your date."

Luke nodded gratefully at Matt, "Right, because we were set up on a blind date, meaning, going in I know it's a date so I'm supposed to think in those terms and she told me she wanted to go on another date so there was nothing nuanced about it."

"Exactly and you think I was supposed to draw you a map without feeling completely vulnerable? Give me a fucking break." Penelope said angrily.

"No, I'm saying that when we went to see Phil and he joked about you being my girlfriend, your exact words were, _ew, ick, gross. Newbie? Blech, not a chance. Ick._ Direct quote." He raised an eyebrow at the table full of people, some of them letting smiles grace their faces. "Or how about when you interrupted my first date and you told her something along the lines of, _he's just a coworker, people tell me he's attractive but I don't see it_. What exactly do you want me to take from these interactions?"

"Ever heard of thou doth protest too much?" She said sarcastically.

"More like thou doth protest only, like, only." He took a sip of his water still irritated as fuck at her.

"So are you two just going to try and date now?" Derek asked.

"No, we're in an actual relationship that we've basically been in this whole damn time." Luke said.

"You can't be serious about someone overnight can you? Did you even talk about this?" Emily asked incredulously.

A no from Luke and a yes from Penelope rang out at the same time. They both gave each other death glares.

"Is this going to get messy?" Tara asked.

Both of them dropped each other's gazes, relaxing their stances. They should've known no one would quite understand the brand new, fiercely delicate, relationship, they'd woven over time, "No, it won't. We'll both be fine after we have a little more time to process." Penelope said softly with a small smile.

"I meant what I said, you won't have to see it at work. We'll have plenty of time at home to maim each other." Luke took another sip of water.

"At home?" Matt asked curiously.

"I was going to move anyway, so apparently I'm moving to Luke's house." Penelope crossed her arms again.

The shock and concern on everyone's faces came back forcefully, "Is that a good idea?" Emily asked.

This time a yes from Luke and a no from Penelope sounded at the same time and once again they gave each other death glares.

Penelope took a deep breath before acknowledging their friends concern, "It's fine. If you were here for our epic free fall into the abyss yesterday, you would understand. It's indefinable, we just accepted what was already written."

"That's the first thing you've said that I approve of." Luke told her, still holding onto his attitude. His phone started vibrating on the kitchen counter, "Fuck, it's Phil. Like I said, you're taking care of this." He hit the answer button, "Yeah?"

"No, I'm not." He heard Penelope say as he heard Phil's voice.

"Yeah Phil, I'm sorry. There's no excuse, your friend is a nice person but don't fret, Penelope is going to give you a long, satisfying explanation. Can you meet her for coffee at three? Okay, perfect." Luke hung up the phone giving Penelope a cheshire smile.

"I'm not doing that."

"You're going to leave Phil at the cafe by himself?" He asked in faux curiosity.

"Fuck you." She sneered.

"Not in front of company, Dear." He sneered at her, throwing his phone on the counter.

All the people at the table were very unaware of these sides of the people in front of them, but no one wanted to even touch on that.

She huffed again and put her arms to her sides. But changed her tone, "The food is probably cold now, just go ahead and warm it up." Penelope waved towards the kitchen, "I'll be right back." She retreated to her bathroom to brush her teeth, she'd had just enough time to put on clothes.

Luke followed her, and shut the bathroom door behind him as he came up behind her, looking at her in the mirror over her head, "What did I say about disobeying?" He whispered into her ear, not taking his eyes off of her in the mirror.

"Do it more often, especially in front of guests?" She gave him a saucy smile, might as well make him as angry as she could.

He gave a humorless laugh and bent her over the bathroom counter, flipping her dress up, and seeing she didn't have any underwear on, "Good, you listened, there might be hope for you yet." He undid his button and zipper and pulled down his pants, and roughly pushed into her.

"Gah-I-Luke."

He grabbed a fistful of her hair, "No, you aren't allowed to talk anymore. Don't make a sound."

She nodded numbly and pushed up on her tiptoes as his thrusting moved her body forcefully. He was an expert with her body already, he held her hair roughly enough that it kept her balance but not too much that she was in pain. His other hand digging into her hip. He pulsed into her at a pace that he already knew made her weak. He reached around and pulled down the v of her dress and the bra with it hooking it under the heavy weight of her breasts. Returning his hand to her hair, he pulled her back far enough so he could watch as they bounced in the mirror. Her eyes were closed in bliss but he wanted her to watch herself come undone.

"Open."

She did and he smirked at her, she might have an attitude out there, she might want them to think she ruled this relationship but the complete submission in her eyes told a different story. "You can't make any noise." He growled in her ear.

He watched her attempt to nod, smugly noting, she didn't seem to have the energy. "Baby, I'm going to come inside you and then you're going to let it drip down your legs while you're out there with them. You're going to have to try and hide it from them that you couldn't even hold back from me for five minutes. You needed me to come in you again didn't you?"

His words were all she needed he might be an expert with her body but with her mind there was no one who would ever be able to command it in the same way. He was more of a genius than even Reid could comprehend. She came and she had to bring her hand up to her face to muffle her scream. She hoped she had done so well enough that she wasn't heard from the living room but even if she was, she didn't much care anymore. They were learning all sorts of new things about them today. Things none of them knew for more than thirteen years with her. Things she didn't know about herself until she found him.

He brought his hand down from her hair and put it over hers, more effectively covering her mouth. She had tried, he'd give her that but there was still whimpering. Not that he was complaining. But those people out there didn't need a front row seat to their debauchery. They were sort of already getting it. The two of them had tried to maintain their normal facade for all of two seconds before deciding to curse at each other in front of them. But two years, two years of pent up frustration wasn't going away just because they had dedicated friends.

After he was certain she would be quiet he bent her over further, holding her steady by her dress but getting a better view of her ass. She struggled to not let her knees buckle and put her hands on the floor to steady herself. She was flexible, something she was never more grateful for until now.

He sped up, making her have to cover her mouth again leaving only one palm on the cold bathroom tile. He knew he could make her come again, given a few more minutes and some dirty talk and maybe a hand to her nipples but they were on a time crunch. Those profilers weren't going to stop profiling now, not when they were trying their damndest to make sense of the situation before them. He harshly pushed into her a few more times and then stayed fully seated within her as he came inside her again. She could feel him spill into her, he'd stayed as deep as he could, wanting to claim her and she found that somehow intensely erotic.

He removed himself from her, helping her stand up and seeing the flush all over her cheeks and her heavy lidded eyes trying to regain focus. He gently guided her to the sink grabbing her toothbrush that she had originally came in here for and placing it in her hand caringly. He grabbed his toothbrush as well and put toothpaste on it before handing it to her. They both brushed quickly, smiling at each other in the mirror the whole time. He finished and walked out first, giving her another minute to regain control over her body. Damn him for so easily being able to tuck himself in and walk back out as if nothing happened. She wondered if they would all know what they had just done. They seemed to know everything, but Luke was somehow a bit of a mystery to them so maybe not. Oh well, nothing she could do about it now and she wouldn't take it back. As she started ambling towards the living room, she felt him sliding out of her and trailing down her inner thighs, she tried to squeeze her legs together to keep it in but the effort was futile and she knew it. She thought about whirling around and wiping a bit of it with a towel but he wouldn't like that and he told her not to and she liked that he told her not to.

She rounded the corner, seeing that the others were at least chatting to each other and not silently staring into the void, that was, the explanation they were waiting for. Luke had put food on a plate too and took his position back up of leaning his hip against the counter, able to see the room at large. She walked to him, standing next to him in the kitchen. Although, she could pull up another chair to be closer to the group, she much preferred standing here with him. She grabbed his water bottle and drank some. He took a bit of food and then without thinking, swapped the fork in his hand for the water in hers. She put the fork in the tomato cucumber salad mixture, taking a bite before handing him back the fork when he set the water on the counter. Neither of them noticed the others watching them nor did they realize what they were doing.

All of them exchanged glances but said nothing, there was only so much they could process today anyway. "So you're really moving in together?" Rossi questioned.

The newly formed, long time couple glanced at each other, sharing only a brief moment of eye contact before saying yes in unison.

"Forgive me if I am not seeing exactly why we should be onboard with that just yet." Derek said.

"Like I said before, this is all just so - it's so complicated that's it's simple. Look, we know what we need and we aren't going to deny that anymore." Penelope said to him before grabbing the water, "Besides it kind of doesn't matter if you're onboard with it Sweetie." Penelope scrunched her nose, giving him an it is what it is look.

Derek's gaze darkened and then he glanced to Rossi who was trying to contain a smirk. JJ spoke, "I think we're just concerned. We don't want you getting hurt, either of you."

Luke wasn't mean, he wouldn't give attitude to anyone that didn't deserve it, except maybe Penelope, but he had to take a deep breath before acknowledging that comment, "It's a little late for that isn't it? And I wasn't the one in the know." He said it in an even tone, not wanting them to think he blamed them. This was as much his doing as Penelope's but he couldn't help but wonder if they could have given him the hint, something to avoid her pain.

Everyone except Derek looked remorseful, not sure what they would've done differently either. Not knowing if they could have said or done anything without feeling like they betrayed one or the other. Derek furrowed his brow, "Are you saying this is anyone's fault but yours?" His voice was decidedly uneven.

"Derek, that's not what he said." Penelope said to him seriously.

"Are you going to blindly defend everything he does?" He countered.

Penelope stood up straight, Luke said nothing. He wanted to come to her aid but he knew she didn't want that. She wanted to cease the fire before it burned anything. "No, I'm not. Don't start that jealousy shit with me either, that's not what he said. Honestly, I was pretty mad at you all last night because you knew and it felt like you let me suffer on my own. I know you were probably just trying to give me some privacy but that's not what it felt like. He's not saying you should take responsibility, he's saying if we're all such a close family maybe someone could have asked about his feelings too. We all need help sometimes." She was speaking to all of them but she kept eye contact with Derek the whole time.

She saw the moment Derek understood but she also saw him hold in any apology because his pride was in the way. She didn't care, as long as he understood. "I think that would've been on me more than anyone. Sorry, man." Matt interjected.

Luke just gave him a slight nod, acknowledging him but he knew why they all felt stuck. It felt like an impossible situation. "Doesn't matter now, can't be changed, but moving forward it would be nice if you could all just be supportive. We don't need to be babied after the fact." Luke told them all casually.

Emily made eye contact with Tara, maybe it was a female thing or maybe they both just got something in that instant but they silently agreed, "We'll help you move in." Tara said with a smile.

"And I'll make sure we don't have an issue at work. I'll handle it." Emily added.

"We're moving most of my stuff this weekend. As in packing today and moving tomorrow, so if you want, you can help, but if you don't, that's also okay." Penelope told them gratefully with a smile.

Spencer let his eyebrows travel up his forehead and stuck his bottom lip out before speaking, "I'll help. I could tell you about the abysmal statistics for moving in together too quickly in relation to break ups but instead I'll tell you that being long term friends first, is actually one of the most desirable qualities when it comes to the amount of happiness you can maintain long term." He nodded, pleased that he'd given them good news.

"Whatever you two kids need is fine by me. I think this should've happened a long time ago, maybe not like this…" Rossi grabbed his glass of juice and took a drink.

"It's obvious I'm on board. I'm just sorry I didn't slap the stupid out of you when you told me about your date, rather than being blindly supportive. I was just so...I think I was doing what you do, taking it all at face value." Matt explained.

JJ was smiling from ear to ear, "I'm perfectly fine with all of this. Just curious for more details. Ooh are you going to have kids? Are you going to get married?"

"Calm down, it's a little early for-"

Luke cut Emily off, "Probably not and yes." He answered with as much calmness as ever.

He saw that made most of the people in front of him impressed rather than judgemental.

"Probably not?" Derek had crossed his arms, taking in everyone's acceptance, something he wasn't completely comfortable with yet. He didn't know Alvez as well as the others but this was also his best friend they were talking about here.

"I'm all but unable to have them, I was told that years ago. It's most definitely not gotten better with time. The doctor told me I could probably conceive if I wanted to but it wouldn't be easy. Neither one of us really ever planned to have them so it's fine with us. But the probably not part is because we've literally done nothing to prevent it." She answered honestly, maybe too honestly but his come was dripping down her leg, it was a definitive reminder of what she just shared.

Everyone was back to shock, Luke scanned their expressions and didn't want to hear a word about any of it. "We're perfectly aware of the possible consequences." He had continued to eat the whole time the others were talking, this life he created overnight, that he'd also been building for years, didn't make him nervous. He felt more calm than he had been since he was a teenager.

"You could still get the morning after pill." Derek said bitterly.

"Derek, can you just not, okay?" Penelope rolled her eyes, Derek knew damn well about her issues and that she didn't think she'd ever conceive without help and how it wasn't on her to do list anyway. He also knew that she always took precaution so the fact that she didn't, showed how serious she was about Luke.

He sighed and fixated on her, they stared at each other for a few moments, the silence around them making it seem like longer. She had an eyebrow arched, waiting for him to acquiesce. He uncrossed his arms, closed his eyes and put a hand to his forehead before looking at her again. "Okay, I'm only here for two days so if we're going to get this done it's now or never."

She smiled smugly and drank from the shared water bottle again.

….

"Are you sure about this, truly?" Derek glanced to Penelope in the passenger's seat.

"Derek, I m certain okay? I really do love him more than anyone else. I think I have since I met him."

Derek scoffed, "You couldn't stand him. I had to tell you to be nice to him."

"Yes, and why was that? Have I ever had to be told to be nice? Seriously Derek, he's it. I knew it then and I definitely know it now."

"You're moving in with him and you haven't been together for even a day."

"That's not how it feels." She raised one eyebrow at him, "If it crashes and burns I'll let you tell me, _I told you so_ , as much as you want. But it won't, so don't hold your breath. He's what I've always wanted, he's what you should want for me."

Derek switched hands on the steering wheel as he gazed out of his window trying to find it in him to be behind this, "I don't want you hurt. This has the potential to seriously blow up in your face."

"But it won't." She wasn't argumentative she was adamant. "I'm in love. I'm in love for the very first time and it's also going to be the last. Don't do this to me, Derek. I don't need you to save me from what will keep me safe."

Derek sighed, "Do I get to be in the wedding?"

She laughed, "Of course, Honey. Although, maybe you should try to make friends with what will be my husband one day."

"I was joking Penelope."

"Luke and I weren't." She said resolutely.

"Are you engaged?"

"Not yet. I told him to do that when he wanted to, but it won't be long." She was gazing out the window.

"This whole thing it's- I really don't know, it's just so-"

"Just be happy for me, Hot Stuff. I finally figured it out. We both did." She smiled happily at him.

Derek had never seen her this happy, he had to admit that much. He was cautiously optimistic, he wanted her happy but he wasn't going to be convinced of anything, at least for a few months.

Derek pulled the car into Luke's driveway, Penelope grabbed the cat carrier out of the back seat and walked into the house with it. Luke and Matt were inside, moving his couch so they could fit Penelope's chair.

Penelope opened the carrier and let Sergio out. He immediately ran down the hall into the last room he could find, "Well, we won't see him for a few days," she announced. "I wanted to put my vanity in the extra room because he likes to sit on it and look out the window." Penelope came towards Luke and hugged him around his middle.

"What? No. I have my weights in there and I like to look out the window too." Luke argued as he kissed her temple.

"Uh, so?" She picked up the carrier and started down the hall with it to put it wherever she pleased.

Luke followed, "Uh so, no."

Derek was in the doorway with a couple of boxes, he had come in right after her and watched the exchange. When the voices became distant he set the boxes down inside, "He's your best friend?"

"He is," Matt answered.

"And you think this is good for him?"

"I do."

"And she's your friend?"

"She is."

"And you think this is good for her?"

"I do."

Derek sighed, "And if it doesn't work out?"

"I don't think we'll ever have to know the answer to that question."

Derek glanced down the hall where he heard some curse words being uttered, "Really?" He asked dryly.

Matt laughed, "They mean nothing by any of that. They've been in love for a while. Looking back, I think I knew it the very first time I saw them together. I'm sorry I didn't stick my nose where it didn't belong, but if it happened this way, well, at least it happened."

"I do love weddings." Derek started unpacking the boxes he had, Matt joined him.

"Me too. I get to be the second best man, right after Phil." He announced.

"You already got your assignment?"

"It was said in passing but I don't think it was a joke."

"Just one more question."

Matt laughed, "Sure."

"How-just, how?"

Matt nodded, "They were both in a fog. Neither of them could see what was right in front of them. But when they decided to walk through it together, suddenly things became very clear. Just let them be."

"What happens when it starts raining?"

They heard Penelope's faint giggle and then the bedroom door slam shut, Matt and Derek exchanged amused glances. Matt gestured to the doorway, indicating they should take his truck and go back for another load, while the two occupants of the house were occupied. "They keep each other warm and leave us out in the cold."

"So all of this from a little bad weather?" Derek gestured to the direction of the apparently happy couple.

"Hey, just be glad you're not on the team anymore. I'm pretty sure we're going to have to physically separate them."

"She's lecherous at best," Derek laughed.

Matt laughed, "This is going to be a fun ride."

"The relationship?"

"The tornado."

* * *

Our Garvez chat group on Twitter is getting off the ground. Someone else asked me to be part of it but you weren't logged in so I'm not sure who you are so make sure to contact me again please!

And thanks to the reader (Silkia) who volunteered to be my beta for this, I needed that!


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